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Old 08-21-2012, 01:50 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I happen to agree with the above posters. But, let me give you a little perspective if I can.

Recently I had the trans conversation with my husband (hypothetical also as neither of us has any interest in changing sex). It was triggered by a friend who is in process of a sex change.

So anyway,
He point blank would not ever have sex with me again if I switched-because he is a heterosexual man and I would be a man and that doesn't interest him in the least.

I on the otherhand am bi-and regardless of his being a man or a woman-I would still be interested in HIM.

BUT-if he changed sex-making both of us women, I would be angry and hurt, even though I wouldn't leave him, because it would also mean our marriage was annulled in the state we live in and I would lose my medical benefits! (he's employed and I am not).

On the other hand, my changing wouldn't mean he lost that benefit-it would still mean I lost it!

But-my final analysis of our relationship, even with the knowledge that whilst he would remain friends with me, he would not commit to remaining a partner to me if I had a sex change;

is that he actually loves me "more" than I love him if one was going to measure it.

I don't believe it's reasonably measured-
BUT if it were, he's put up with shit from me that he said from the get go was a deal breaker for him-and he's still here, trying to become a person who can manage to deal with me...


So, I question your perspective on the grounds that you are using unrealistic measurements of "love".

WHAT is "love" and how does one "love" more/or less?

Now, if we put it as love is a verb, an action word, I suppose one could tally the actions and decide which partner "does love" more or less.
But, I don't see that as your question.

Also, the bottomline is that we all express love and we sense the expressions of love differently-so he could be doing 1000s of things you don't even take note of that are signals of his love for you. But, you are so busy tallying up the things that frighten you, that you don't notice.

My husband spends a lot of time in "fear mode" reacting instead of choosing to consciously act. I can tell you from experience-it's destructive to him and to his relationships.


YOU need to stop yourself. Just stop and stand still. Just breathe. Then, think of what you want to do in that moment-and do it.
Learn to consciously choose your actions-instead of trying to react and manipulate the world around you in order to "protect" yourself from the fear of abandonment or being alone that is driving you to destructively attack your relationship.
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