Originally Posted by charlesgarnier
- Do you think that, with time, Anna and Chrisí husband could accept the situation and become happy with it ?
- Chris and I consider our relationship as very strong, with attachment and a notion of engagement. Do you think it is possible to have a long-time lasting relation with another person, with that high frequency ?
- Chris and I are both hesitating. Do we have find a very intelligent way of dealing with our love, allowing us to make it compatible with our weddings, or are we lying to ourselves, because our main couples can only weaken ? Or are we missing the main love of both our lives by not being courageous enough, by compromising ?
- Anna and I are wondering. Are we going to have an open marriage ? Are we going to lost each other ? Is it going to make us stronger ?
Cheating statements aside, there are a LOT of questions people have asked you that you have not responded to. A lot of those questions they were asking directly addressed those things you are asking about, or were seeking more information about the subject so they COULD give you useful advice.
I suggest you reread the thread and try find those questions and answer them.
#1 That really depends on a lot of the questions people asked that you dont answer, such as have you talked to her husband, do you have a schedule that meets everbodies needs more or less, can you stop sms'ing Chris during your time with Anna so you are making her a priority and not being selfish.
#2 I don't know what you mean by "with that high frequency" but yes, of course its possible to maintain long term relationships with multiple people.
#3 Of course you have to handle it well if you want to have multiple successful long term relationships. Your relationship with Anna, her relationship with her husband, do not HAVE to weaken, but if I was a gambler, I don't know that you are all communicating well enough for it to succeed. That is because you can only give your view, I am guessing most people who have posted are skeptical that you are giving (or even know) a clear idea of what the other three people are thinking and feeling and open to.
Also, it sounds like you're wondering if Chris is your soul mate and you are stupid for not ditching Anna so you can go live happily ever after - well only you can answer that, but I'd really go to a counselor and talk about this - you did after all, say Anna was one of your arms and talk about how you couldn't be without her, maybe you are wondering if she isn't your dominant arm .... Sound like you have to figure out this question before you can really address the other ones.
Also #2 There is no such thing as a relationship where there is not compromise. There is no way in hell to have multiple romantic relationships that work for everybody without compromising at least some. Some people compromise more than others. It sounds from what you say that you and Chris are the ones doing less compromising than your spouses. What exactly do you feel that you have compromised that makes you ask this question?
#4 Well you have an open marriage. Are you both able to be poly? I don't know, go see a counselor, I do not see where you have said she wants to have other partners she cares about or that she's open to loving other people. Is it going to make you stronger? Sure there is always that option, if you go see a counselor together and read and work through some of the books in the "Books and website" sticky on the main page.
In summary - have you read poly books together so you can both figure out what you want & need? Do you set time aside for Anna where you put down your stupid phone and stop being in contact with Chris (that is just rude and annoying, I hope when you're with Chris you aren't distracted with contacting Anna every few minutes) Do you 4 all have a schedule set up that at least keeps everybody mostly content? See a poly or open relationship friendly regularly.