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Old 08-20-2012, 04:36 PM
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just3 just3 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: OK
Posts: 71
Default Wants to try again..

Quick background and update for those who dont know..
Hubs suggested trying poly(not swinging because I have to have emotional attachment before sex) He didnt want anyone else(stated MANY times) Talked about it for almost 2 years before I said ok. I hooked up with my ex who I never stopped loving. And 6 months later he decided that he couldnt live like this. Wanted me to himself(which wasnt gonna happen) and also didnt like others knowing about the relationship.. (another thing I refused to lie or hide) so he called it off. Ex and I do still talk but thats it.
Well after Ex left, hubs started acting like a jerk, Everything I opened up about with him was thrown in my face like I was wrong. Then he set up a acct to find him someone and hid it. When I found it he lied. After I told him I knew and found it, He finally admitted. But then did not speak to me for the next 8 months.. Yes 8 MONTHS we lived together but didnt speak except to ask whats for dinner and if kids had behaved. Finally on our 13 year wedding anniversary I told him I couldnt live like this anymore. And I guess my saying I wanted a divorce, was a ass kicker. He apologized and said he did it all out of spite. He was angry at me but doesnt know why. But he didnt want me to go and decided to finally make some changes.
One was his job. For 10 years he worked at this place and each year was worse than the first. The last 6 have been awful. SO he started looking and found something that was totally out of the field he was in, and is now a lot happier there.
Two, communication. He now talks to me a LOT more.
Three- Hes being a better dad. Hes there for the kids more than ever. We even brought the kids back homeschooled.
Our relationship is almost back to where it was. A lot of the hold up is me. Because Im nervous it will happen again even though he swears it wont. He says he now knows what to expect and that he wont ever betray me like that again.(Lying is one of those things I CANT stand) And a couple weeks ago he asked me to find myself a bf again. I told him it was something I was afraid of doing because of the fear he will use things against me again. Its very hard for me to open up. So I keep saying I dont know. He finally convinced me to put my Okcupid back up. I did. Even though most people seem to just want to screw a married chick. Which annoys me.
Its hard to find someone who understands I have kids that will come first(I dealt with this last time) One guy pestered me to no end. Even wanted me to skip out on one kids stuff to meet. I canned that one quick.
Hubs and I talked a lot about the kind of relationship we both had in mind. And what he wants and I agree, is a V type relationship with me as the hinge. A polyfidelitous relationship. We both want someone who will be friends with hubs as well as friend, lover possible spouse to me. How hard is this??? It doesnt seem to be the norm in poly relationships. I tried dating after ex left.. My luck I started talking to someone who wanted that type of relationship.. He ended up being into child porn and is now on the run from the law(NOT what I want to get involved in!!!) That crap is freaky. I dont know how to really date.. My ex and my hubs I have known since I was 14 lol. It just was. Where do you find people to fall in love with? I mean.. Im a Stay at home, homeschooling mom. I dont get out much anymore.
Any suggestions? or insight on what to do next?
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