Originally Posted by persephone
You are missing the context here. This guy did not write and say "I'd like to meet you" and got a "I'm not really looking right now" response. He wrote to ask me why I stayed on a site where there was so much bad dating behavior, and I told him it didn't bother me because I wasn't invested in an outcome of finding someone new.
The majority of poly people I know say they're not really looking. "Not looking" is not always the same as "closed to all new relationship possibilities." I haven't really "looked" for some of the relationships I've found. The last time I had just one partner, I was getting over someone and definitely not looking. I wasn't sure I should get involved with anyone because I was still so upset about the relationship that had ended. But I was certainly open to friends, and I made a friend, and over time he became much more than a friend.
I fail to see what assumptions I made about the guy I turned down. I know very little about him, but what I do know turned me off.
Maybe some of you men who think you're being rejected in these contexts should ask a few more questions before being sure of that.
If we're missing the context it's because you didn't provide it... if you say on a dating site "I'm not really looking" then some people are going to interpret that as you're unavailable. Like I said, it sounded to me like a rejection, and to me it sounded like it was a rejection for him.
Your assumption was that his disappointment at (supposed) rejection was just patronising behaviour about how many partners are too many, when it seems to me (and others) that it was just an expression of disappointment at hearing that you were (in his understanding) unavailable.