Originally Posted by nycindie
Gala, I took his comment to mean that he and his mistress didn't ask to or just decide to fall in love; it just happened, and now they are very passionately in love [he did say they dream of living together]. So now they deal with the consequences.
Maybe I misunderstood that part. I'm not sure.
It keeps boiling down to this though -- now that all is said and done? Choose to behave more ethically to the persons involved, please!
If they could not help falling in love? Fine. I'll buy that. Feelings just happen. You feel what you feel when you feel it. Rain is rain. Sun is sun. Emotion is emotion. We cannot choose how we feel. We can only choose how we behave in response to those feelings. REACT in the heat of the moment or ACT WITH INTENTION.
If he fell in love with Chris without looking for it? Fair enough. Then he chose to do what about it? Tell the wife he's fallen in love with some lady named Chris out of the blue? I do that all the time. I tell my DH that. And he laughs and yanks my chain about my latest crush. So? No big all around. I am still coloring inside the lines of my agreement with my spouse.
Charles did not inform his wife. He chose to have an affair behind his wife's back. Not ethical. Not cool. They have another kind of agreement in place -- a monogamous marriage. He colored outside
the lines in sleeping with Chris.
In response to THAT? Chose to not own it til he got caught months later. Shirky.
In response to THAT? Chose to not set wife truly free. If loves Chris and wants to live with her -- not moving that forward honorably either in not setting wife free. Both ladies left in limbo. More shirky. Because he doesn't want to have to choose between them because that's easier on him. Never mind what may be easier on THEM. Or hell, Chris's Husband.
There are real people involved here with real feelings, and Charles is shooshing things under the rug some more. To choose not to decide is still making a choice. Sometimes to wait and see what new information may be revealed so you can make a better informed decision. Sometimes to play Mr Avoidy. I call this Avoidy. Very weak on ethics. Still treating the loved ones with less than loving behavior.
Charles, if you are still reading I really do hope you CHOOSE to behave more ethically than this. It won't be fun, but at least it will be more ethical than you have been.