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Old 08-19-2012, 10:47 PM
charlesgarnier charlesgarnier is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5
Default Not that simple

Thank you for your advices. Here are some more details and some remarks.

First of all, I have not decided one day to become poly. I was (and so was my mistress) mono. I didnít exclude sexual relationship with other women (it occurred once), but, as my marriage was happy and I loved my wife, I didnít even think I could fall in love with a third person.

There have been two scratches in my marriage contract. Fist of all, because it was not clear that I could have an affair (we never had a true discussion about this). By having an affair, I was misdoing. Second scratch : I waited several month to tell the truth and I was ďhelpedĒ by an event, even if could have continue to hide the situation. To be sincere, I donít think that when there is cheating, the cheater is solely guilty. And if I concealed the truth, it was partly to preserve Anna from being taken in the tornado when I didnít know where I was myself. I am still not convinced I should have dump the problem I have created on her, without trying to treat it myself. When she learnt the truth, I was able to say I wanted to stay with her, and I think thatís more easy to hear than somebody dealing with a growing passion and not knowing where it will go.

But after my confession, I didnít even try to find excuses. I apologized to my wife. Of course, I would not have opposed a divorce. From this point, there is no more cheating. Everybody tell the truth to everybody.

I told Anna once that I would quit Chris, as she was too much suffering. She told me not to do so, which was demonstrating true love. She donít ask me to quit Chris, neither Chrisís husband ask her to quit him. They understand that would not be a good solution.

Chrisís husband and Anna are not happy, but they are not unhappy. If they were really unhappy, they would divorce, wouldnít they?

I canít quit neither Anna nor Chris. They are as my two arms, I canít imagine cutting one.

Of course it is clear for Anna and I that we have to build a new contract. It would be simple if I could quit Chris, because they would be a clear basis. But I canít.

Neither Chris nor I have decided to be passionately in love with each other. We try to deal with it.
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