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Old 08-19-2012, 06:35 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353
Default Trade-offs

I wince a lot at home.

There are things my family does that would never be tolerated in any other household. The one that set me to thinking about it was my mother randomly screaming up the stairs for me while I was listening to music -- I just made out the last syllable of my name.

As often as I have asked her to come UP the stairs and speak to me when there is music going, she never once has done it of her own accord. And why am I limiting it to "when there is music going", anyway? I wouldn't shout up or down the stairs to -- I have got to come up with a nickname for my metamour that isn't too trite. Help me, love? -- Well, I wouldn't shout for her. I'd go and find her. She would probably do me the same courtesy.

There are plenty of days when I wish I lived with my partner and my metamour. They're civilised, at least.

But for all the rudenesses around here, I also see kindnesses I couldn't have in their home that I get in mine. The very worst-case scenario for me is a panic attack I can't stop on my own. Doesn't happen too often anymore. Is still a frightening prospect. I can't wake them in the middle of the night looking for help. I could wake him, but I'd feel strange going into their room. I don't feel strange about waking my mother. People with healthier brains (and who grew up in functional families) probably see this as dead bizarre. Do bear with me while I muddle through THIS reality. I'd love not to need help. I'd love to move out on my own. Ain't happening.

I want boundaries in some areas and I need for the boundaries to stay down in others. I think I need professional help sorting this through.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
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