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Old 08-19-2012, 05:59 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,069


I assume positive intent unless otherwise shown it isn't. From the posts alone I'm not seeing negative intent on his part.

So I perceive this as a soft pedal approach.

He inquired about your situation.

I also mentioned that I was in three relationships at present and didn't feel particularly pressured to find more partners.
I would perceive this as you softly telling him you are "Closed at This Time."

He replied, "Oh well, I guess your dance card is full, I'm out of luck, too bad!"
I perceive this as him expressing soft regret that it's not a match up. Not making any kind of judgement on you about how many lovers you want to have. Or maybe it is HIS limit on how many Metas HE wants to have. It doesn't have to be about limiting YOU.

He did write back and tried to backpedal what he said...
I perceive this as him replaying the convo in his head and not satisfied that his soft pedal inquiry was not CLEAR clear and trying to get the clarify from you. Like "Wait a minute. Why is she even on a dating site then if she's Closed At This Time? Maybe I misunderstood and she's Seeking after all? I need to clear that up."

So I perceive this effort as "him trying to clarify" rather than "him trying to backpedal."

...but I'm not going to pursue anything with him. The kind of man I want to be with doesn't make assumptions like that.
I wonder if you are assuming he assumes? Could that be possible?

Not that it matters with this one guy because you aren't feeling the spark there -- which is fine. Sometimes it is and sometimes it ain't.

But in general -- do you go into things assuming positive intent or negative intent? That colors the perception.

Maybe this is opportunity to freshen your profile to more clearly state what you are looking for? The type of men that don't make assumptions?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-19-2012 at 06:07 PM.
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