Questions about a long lasting poly relationship
I am married for 20 years with Anna. I had in the past two relations with other women, mainly for sex, but they didnít last. Three years ago, I met another woman, Chris, and fell in love with her. She is married and has one child. After a few months, she told the truth to her husband. So do I a few months later, after my wife had discovered messages on my phone. Both our husband and wife didnít accept the situation. Anna threatened me about divorce, but also tried to understand the situation. So did Chrisí husband. He decided to meet other women and get involved in a relationship with a woman, without love. Anna decided also to meet other men and has several relationships, also without love. So it seems that everybody has become poly, but thatís not that simple.
- Anna is deeply hurt by having lost her exclusiveness on me. She says she could accept me having other sexual relationships, but canít accept me being in love with somebody else. She considers her own relationships as a way of enduring the situation without too much suffering.
- Chrisí husband considers that his own relationship is only a temporary solution. He wants Chris back in a ďnormalĒ situation, which means a mono relationship. He says he bears the situation only because he is convinced it wonít last.
- We have a passionate relationship with Chris. As we work together, we can meet several times a week. We send each other a lot of sms. Our marriages are happy, we love our spouse and husband, so we both decided to find another path than both divorcing to get together. We have somehow succeeded, but it has been difficult for us to give up the idea of living together, and it is still difficult to give it up.
I have a few questions.
- Do you think that, with time, Anna and Chrisí husband could accept the situation and become happy with it ?
- Chris and I consider our relationship as very strong, with attachment and a notion of engagement. Do you think it is possible to have a long-time lasting relation with another person, with that high frequency ?
- Chris and I are both hesitating. Do we have find a very intelligent way of dealing with our love, allowing us to make it compatible with our weddings, or are we lying to ourselves, because our main couples can only weaken ? Or are we missing the main love of both our lives by not being courageous enough, by compromising ?
- Anna and I are wondering. Are we going to have an open marriage ? Are we going to lost each other ? Is it going to make us stronger ?
I know there is not only one solution, but I would appreciate your advices.