Hmmm, sorry to say, it seems like your h has a bit of a problem with alcohol?
I'd say it was the booze talking, bringing out his "Id," his hedonistic, I'm gonna do what I want, when I want it, and you can't stop me, nanny nanny boo boo type of language.
And bringing up how you cheated on your ex 14 years ago. Really now. Ugh, my ex-h used to that in conversations... bring up shit that happened a decade or more ago. So pointless.
I hope things look better in the clear light of day. Your boundaries sound minimal and reasonable. If he loves you, he would agree to respect you enough to inform you of who he is seeing, where they are going, and what level of sex they have reached. It's just common courtesy.
But it sounds like he just wants to get drunk, partay!!! and cat around. Forget he's married, not tell his sex partners he's married. Bleh. That's not polyamory at all.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37