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Old 08-19-2012, 05:01 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,858


What about the core question -- are you ok with poly or not? Because all the rest is moot if you are not truly ok.

Feeling jealous for now because your GF is in New Relationship Energy pink fluffy lala clouds?

Wishing it was easier -- do you know how many rships you have here?
  • you <--> you (you to self as part of a greater polyship, not a footloose single)
  • GF <--> GF
  • Meta <-->Meta
  • You + GF (romance)
  • GF + Meta (romance)
  • You + Meta (polite metamours? Friends? What's the goal on this mini relationship within the larger polyship? If any?)
  • You to (GF + Meta)
  • Meta to (GF + You)
  • GF to (You + Meta)
  • You + GF + Meta (working as a solid "V" trio, like a team)

Ghost layers -- what if you all break up? How do the poly peeps want to be to each other?
  • You - GF - Meta
  • (You + GF) - Meta
  • You - (GF + Meta)
  • (You + Meta) - GF

You have 10 relationships going there with 4 ghost layers to map out in your configuration's polymath. That's a lot to tend. Which ones are strong? Which are weak? Why? How to strengthen? You have to talk to your people on these topics.

Do you have a framework for how to be in right relationship to each other? How to deal with conflict resolution?

Don't give up just because things feel tough right now. If you can be ok in a polyship, then BE in a polyship. Love GF and work with the meta to create a solid "V" config.

But again... if your heart is not down with the poly thing -- don't do it half assed just to avoid breaking up. It's easier to break up and go back to being her friend than endure something your heart is just NOT into. Do not compromise yourself.

Be honest with yourself. Is it a case of a rough patch or a case of this not being for you at ALL?

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