need advice with a bisexual mono/poly relationship
ok here's the complicated backstory. i'm a guy dating my best friend, and we're in love. we've been living together for 2 years, known each other 4 years. what makes it complicated is that she's gay. i'm pretty much the only guy she would ever fall for & the only guy she would ever sleep with. we broke up earlier this year because she wanted to be with a girl & she didn't wanna waste her youth being "tied down" as she put it, even though she loves me. but it didn't work out that way. we still shared a bed, still had sex, the only difference was that she had a new girlfriend: one of our friends we had known for a little while. we were still together behind this new girlfriend's back. then she broke up with this girlfriend because they had different ideals, but she made a point to tell me that it didn't mean we were exclusive again. she ended up wanting to get back together with this girl, but this time everything was more honest. we decided upon a polyamorous relationship. the situation has been like this for a couple months now & i'm still having a hard time coping with the jealousy. i understand this girl makes her happy & i respect that but at the same time can't help feeling sad when she goes to spend the night with her & i'm in our bed all alone. and there are times when i can't help but think that her life would be so much easier if i were never there. she would just be with this girl & i wouldn't be there to make it complicated. she basically suggested this polyamorous thing as a way to work it out & keep me in her life. but it's been difficult. the other girl gets jealous of me & the fact that i live with her & i've known her longer, not to mention the confusing concept of a lesbian being in love with a man. and i'm jealous because she seems to be more excited about her relationship with this girl. i know that's normal in new relationships but i can't help feeling like i wish she was having that much fun with me, like we used to when we first started out & it was just me & her & everything felt right. so i was just hoping that someone here had some advice for me / for us, to better deal with this. feel free to ask any questions.