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Old 12-09-2009, 10:54 AM
purpledreamer purpledreamer is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 10
Red face she dreamed of purple love

Hi, My name is Jo and I'm a 25 year female from Australia.
I am currently studying to be a Naturopath, and decided about 5 years that I wanted to dedicate my life to personal development and experiencing growth and expansion as a human as i navigate my way through the world in this lifetime.

Yoga is a huge passion of mine and yogic philosophy underpins a lot of my beliefs and understandings about life, mixed up with a little buddhism, feminism, passion and purpledreamer-ism... I like to challenge my beliefs and marvel at how I can be, feel and think one thing, and its complete opposite, at the same time...

I am bisexual, however most of my sexual experiences have been with men, and all of my long term partners have been men.
I've had some pretty negative relationships in the past, which led to a developing interest in people and how we relate, and especially about concepts of love and what makes up a relationship. I guess I always imagined we could be relating in much greater ways than we were. I imagined relationships that challenged ego, pushed for growth, and that saw love conquering all... Although unfortunately this idea eventually manifested itself as me loving people, despite the horrible ways in which they treated me.

However luckily for me it was all perfect (isn't it always ) as this prompted the commencement of my journey toward developing true self love and acceptance.
As a part of this journey, I found myself listening to various 'alternative' podcasts about sex and sexuality, gender and relationships, reading books, looking at website and found my ideas regarding the possibilities for my life and my relationships expanding.

In the last two years specifically, I feel like I have come into myself as a woman, and am living in an way that sees me transforming into a more empowered and loving woman every day, as I find myself developing and sustaining healthier ideas about myself, my sexuality, my place in this world, and the universe.

I have recently (about 6 months ago) become involved with IamWhoIam, who has two other significant others in his life.
I had been intrigued by the idea of polyamory and also open relationships and swinging. I felt challenged just thinking about myself in a relationship like that, I thought 'I could never handle that'. That thought just seemed to interest me in it all the more as I wondered why I felt such a strong challenge to it, and I felt a clinging about it, and then wanted to figure out why.
I found it fitting that a few months later I met IamWhoIam. I didn't intend on becoming romantically involved with him (although I did find the fact that he had two girlfriends VERY intriguing), but it didn't take long for 'head' to lose any say in the matter, as this kind hearted, intelligent and extremely loving man is someone that you just can't not love. He shares my ideas regarding growth and personal development and often has me in awe at his dedication to his discipline. We don't spend much time together, but I have felt more loved by him, than any romantic partner I have ever had in my life. I also feel free to love him in a way that can move, grow, change, and where I feel allowed to be everything that I am. He is without a doubt the most amazing individual I have ever known in my life (apart from myself of course), and I love him to bits.

What I thought would be the biggest challenge (the idea of a loved one being intimate with another), has actually not really been an issue for me.
Mainly I have found the practicalities of the relationship and time constraints the hardest thing to adjust to. Not seeing and speaking to each other often.

There has also been some struggling and negativity between myself and his live in partner, mainly to do with this being a new experience for everyone involved, and it has surfaced insecurities for us both. And while its a bit sticky at the moment, I have confidence that it will all work out well eventually as she is a lovely girl, and so I am...(so how can it not work out :P)

While not really liking labelling our relationship, a struggle I have had is essentially being a secondary, and not feeling as though our relating is as 'valid' or allowed as his and his live-in SO. This challenges me a bit.
Whether this is something I am happy to accept or not for my life for the future I am not sure, but I imagine as other relationships in my life change form, and does my life, my perception of this will change, even if 'it' doesn't.

I have also recently told my parents and friends about my relationship, all who seemed to accept it quite easily, which I was pleasantly surprised about. I feel they just think its another random phase I am going through...but either way, I appreciate their acceptance.

I have found this forum, and other like it such a wonderful resource, and wish to thank everyone who contributes on here. I don't post much, but do read a lot, and have found lots of answers, peace and strength through reading of similar struggles to mine, and also just other 'life' stuff. Thanks guys

I feel blessed to have discovered polyamory, as it allows me to love in a way that feels open, free and grounded in truth. I love being able to love without boundaries, without rules. Because if it has rules, is it really even love?

Many blessings and love to you all.

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