Originally Posted by Nathan
When it comes to looking after finances, or our child, or emotional support, time spent together, love, friendship and physical affection etc etc, I am my girls primary!
The only part of her life where I'm not, is when it comes to satisfying her sexual needs, in this area I'm secondary to my metamour.
I was wondering how common this is, and also how other guys cope with this situation.
The same question applies to the ladies.
Look, you're talking to polyamorists, an indication of the fact that defining a prescribed social "norm" does not work for everyone. You sound happy with the arrangements. What you should really be asking is not questioning us whether it is normal but asking yourself whether you do feel happy and satisfied and secure with this relationship. You and her could always engage in more sex, or try some variety, or just ask her how she feels about you or your comparative lack of sexual activity.
It all comes down to what YOU all want in your relationships. That is how you will find out if you are truly happy.