1.5 years, huh? So the NRE wore off. Now you are looking at the realities of your relationship. Is this your first serious relationship? If so, remember you have no other yardsticks then to compare. You may think you will never have this anywhere else but with him. In truth? It can be had elsewhere.
This may be Hard to Hear. I apologize.
But your situation sounds creepy to me and red flags. It is not healthy sounding.
I invite you to read the list at speak out loud
with a highlighter and see what other playgrounds sound familiar. Check out the rest of the website too. www.speakoutloud.net
I am not saying you are being abused. I would not wish it on anyone
. But your situation is creeping me out to where I feel the need to share that list with you in case you ARE in need. Better you have it if you need it. And if you do not? Not a biggie, right? But terrible to need it and not know it exists.
That in the spirit I offer in it. I hope it causes no offense.
I tried to break out your posts below into piles and honestly? I felt so sad I had to leave it after a point.
You are under a HUGE burden there and you simple deserve better than this.
You are a young 20's spending her youth with what? 40's predator sounding people. I cannot tell if it is the couple that is predator. Or the guy keeping both women stuck and pitting them against each other for his entertainment.
But that's not your problem -- who is the "real" predator here. You save YOU and just get your away from more harm.
WALK AWAY. RUN!
- To stop having threesomes, and not liking to turn to alcohol to be able to peform. Or reduce it to once in a blue moon so it is bearable to do the things you do not consent to? (This is not fun? Then STOP. It's getting rape-y sounding! Stop compromising yourself. You will still feel ugh but hopefully less volume of ugh!)
- To not have him give you cold shoulder/poor treatment if you decline threesomes (Why are you sex machine THING to him and not PERSON?)
- To clone him so you don't have to share him (Do you really want to stay with a person who treats you like THING?)
- To be able to have time with him as a duo more often than you do (reasonable if healthy rship but this is not healthy)
- To stop feeling lonely (reasonable. Get away and make NEW bonds elsewhere.)
- To stop feeling exhausted and deprived from bad sleep (reasonable. Break up, be sadder for a bit, heal, feel better, yay! Temporary suckage is better than endless suckage!)
- To stop with the competing with the other woman (Why is she competing though? Isn't she supposed to be all yay about the poly? Or is she being manipulated into sex acts she does not want either?
- Not to have to think about breaking up at all or opening up enough so you can date others (Why this unwillingness to think about what is best for YOU and yours needs?)
- To stop being a booty call for "fun" and then not get simple needs met like a ride to medical appt.
- To get thanks for helping out in the house when you help with the kids and housework. You feel like a servant. (You are actually a slave. A booty call one to boot. You get no wages for your servitude. And you are not given attention, care, and consideration as part of an honored family member. You get handmedowns when they upgrade things in their life. Are you going to be upgraded one day too and discarded? )
- Threesomes a LOT despite how the women feel about it. Cold shoulders and withdraws from you when you do not perform how he wants. (Fresh! That's a manipulation technique.)
- Not have to deal with helping to tend to your emotional health, mental health, spiritual health. Is fine using your body fo sex but not caring for you body to get you to med appt. (WTF? This is not a partner. This is a body user. )
- To control your access to him (Is she not happy in poly? Did he railroad her into it? )
- To have you as a house help person FREE
- To not have to deal with your emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, or other needs.
- Seems resentful/compete-y in threesome scenes. (Why does she agree? Is she trapped with him from finances/children? Does wife need speakoutloud list? )