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Old 08-17-2012, 06:55 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Hi and welcome to the forum.

First, the terminology: the poly term for what you are looking for is a "closed triad" and it is most definitely a form of polyamory, since each of you love more than one.

You may also have hear the term "Unicorn Hunters" - what you are looking for may well be a unicorn (mythical creatures that don't exist), but there is one factor in there which makes it non-typical of the Unicorn Hunters (UH) - you are looking for someone that will be an equal part of your relationship, rather than a "2+1" type of thing. This is different from the stereotypical UH that want someone at their beck-and-call when it suits them, but someone that can be conveniently placed to one side when it doesn't suit them for whatever reason.

The only word of caution that I will give you - you use the term "We both want to meet another woman who is into both of us equally" - based on everything I have heard that is going to be almost impossible to find and sustain. Feelings are not something that can be controlled, nor should they be - in a triad, there are three pairings plus the group dynamic - you can't ignore those pairings and only look at the group dynamic, becasue there are going to be times when one has to travel for whatever reason, leaving the other two to "be" for a while. Expecting that somehow magically all the feelings are going to be equal makes it very very hard.

And, as I hinted at - even if you find someone that starts out like this, putting controls in place to stop things becoming imbalanced starts putting artificial restrictions on love. That can feel very stifling.

So I would suggest that you do a little rework on that condition of the triad - maybe allow each relationship to grow with its own dynamic. I think that this stands a lot better chance of working for you.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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