Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Welcome! You are definitely not alone. Do a search on triads and threesomes and you'll see.
First order of business - you need to permanently disengage from all sexual behaviours you are not comfortable with. Trust me, it will save you years of therapy.
The primary lady is having way too much control over you. Disengage!
Hehehe. He compares my figure to hers. Hence the username. Also, Venus was extremely vibrant at my time of birth. It's my planet of essence.
Thank you for the warm welcome! It's appreciated very much. I don't know a soul in real life going through what I am on any level. I need someone to talk to who is, or has been in my position, and can guide me through their experiences.
I find if I disengage with sexual behaviours I'm not comfortable with he gives me the cold shoulder. I have tried to in the past and he treats me unfairly or deprives me of him because he's not pleased. What more can a man want though? He's a spoiled man to have the both of us in his life. I'm just sorry he can't have us at the same time as often as he'd like.
He doesn't understand that he lives with her. They can be intimate whenever they want. Take naps, sleep throughout the night, cuddle in movie/telly mode etc... whenever they want and it's okay. They've children which I understand can be a big deal to be without Daddy one night a week. He operates his own business. For all intensive purposes he could be on a business meeting once a week out of town as a cover story. The children only know of me as a friend of hers... not theirs which is silly as hell. She wants control over that factor and thinks its unbecoming of her husband to have any female friends. So, she's possessive of the idea of what I 'am'.
I was hinted to go over last night after spending a dinner/movie night out for some 'fun'. When the kids get put to sleep we have 'fun' with each other in the guestroom I stay in. I declined cause I had some medical tests in the morning, I was anxious, and they live further away from the facility that I needed to go to. I didn't want to have to get up at the hour I would need to. So, I could get a ride into town (they're in the country) to bus 2.5 hours to get what I needed done. He could've driven me in later with his son but declined when I asked. This was a phone conversation. I think she was calling the shots on this one because I asked him on the phone after speaking with her about it in her presence. She likes to limit the time I get to spend alone with him in any which way. I've also been feeling our tripod 'fun' has been too frequent lately. I need my relationship with him to be dominate and tripod 'fun' to be once in a blue moon.
The time I've spent with him lately alone has been very little in comparison to when I've spent days at a time at their house thoroughly engaged with everyone. The days at a time spent usually include me helping her with upkeeping her house, and cooking meals for the family. I rarely get a thank you from her for any of it. I find it rude. She'll take credit for my work and I know I'm just struggling with a bruised ego but c'mon. It's not easy upkeeping a 6000 sq foot house and 5 children. I'm in my 20's. They're in their 40's. A big hug with a thank you would suffice. I feel like a servant otherwise.
The most recent segment of days included me taking care of their child while they worked or wanted to go out by themselves because their other children are with her first husband and his first wife for the summer. How fair is that? I love the child like he was my own but even still... the second I want to step outside for a cigarette with him alone or be in his study alone to just talk she needs to stick her nose right in there. It's smothering. The only time that gets to happen is when she's in bed.
Prior to posting my original post I had been on Skype with him. He wasn't impressed with me. I could tell. He wasn't playful much, wasn't flirty, barely acted loving, etc... cause I didn't go over. I know he has his needs too but why act so cold to someone because they're extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable? I didn't even go to bed last night. I just stayed up looking at the ceiling feeling lonely crying.
I want to feel like I have my own space with him. I want to be able to go out to eat, shop, watch a movie, have him in my space for longer periods of time once in a while. Once a week would be perfect for me! I understand he's a packaged deal with 6 other people wanting his attention too plus his company and maintaining his family relationships with his family abroad. His step sons hardly come to him to spend time with him. He is mostly engaged with his three sons he's fathered and her. Am I asking too much?
I wish even from her she'd come to my house and do things for me. I get spoiled with material things from both of them. I am not financially able to do that right now cause I'm still settling in being on my own. I've only had my own space for a couple of years now since leaving my parents home. I get their hand-me-down things that they've upgraded from in the house. When I go out with them I don't have to pay really. It balances out with my efforts but it'd be nice to have them come over and help with my humble home. I guess balance and communication is our issue.
God, I'm a wreck, huh? lol