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Old 12-09-2009, 03:25 AM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 172

Here's my stab at some of these questions:

First why does he seem to get jealous when other guys flirt with me, but he wants to add another girl to the relationship?
It sounds to me like he might have a wee bit of a double standard going. Maybe not even consciously, but there nonetheless. Unelss you agree between you that it's ok one way but not the other, then the issue of his jealousy would have to be addressed. As the old saying goes: sauce for the goose ...e tc.

Would we still have a relationship(we live together) or would the other person move in and always be here?
That would depend entirely on what you agree to and what kind of relationship you develop. That's the thing about poly - is that there are so many variations. Some people all move in together because that's what they want. Some maintain separate lives while still dating. Some do a combination of the above.

FWIW, my husband and I live together and we are each other's primary relationship (emotional, not sexual); he does not have another relationship and claims not to want one, but the opportunity is there if he does (and I think he's been looking more and more recently). My (ex)boyfriend is married and lives with his wife; they are also each other's primary relationship (emotional and sexual). His wife has a girlfriend who is only involved with her and not with him (or with me, for that matter). We all know each other, have socialized together sometimes (although not usually all at once), and had pretty good communication between us. (My b/f and I broke up earlier this year - which is why I'm using the past tense, just in case you're wondering.)

That's one way that poly can work. But it's only one way. There are dozens of other permutations that are possible - and it's all about what you and your partner(s) agree to.

Is poly like when a man has more than one wife?
It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Some people who are in long term, committed poly relationships will refer to their partners as their spouses/husbands/wives ... in the plural. But polyamory (many loves) is not necessarily about polygamy (multiple marriage). A person can be considered a spouse (although not necessarily legally) or a boyfriend or girlfriend. It just depends ... again ... on the agreements all the partners come to.
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