Originally Posted by mercury
I think many people on this board can't stand my definition of poly because it allows for less casualness and less preying on others. People don't want to be told they can't be casual or that they can't prey on others, so they insist their casualness and predatory ways are just as dignified as anything, that there's a "spectrum," that everybody's got their own poly. Everyone's got their own definition of murder, too, I guess? Like, if I kill someone, it's not murder because it could well be that in another life, I would really love that person I killed.
I have high standards for poly, though. True poly is, in my opinion, better than monogamy. True poly is beautiful, I think. But the way most people practice it is seedy, sordid, casual-sex-seeking-in-enlightenedness's clothing (on the part of some, not all), and irresponsible. If it's not those things, it's a bunch of catty jealousness.
It's "Look, I'm in a relationship that comes before all others. If you can't handle polyamory, I can't handle you."
It's not your ideas. It's your tone that caused me to post. You come across as you believe you have the one true poly. And you read like you believe others are doing it wrong, or unethically or stupidly or all three. That may not be what you are trying to say, but that is what you are communicating.
Also, you've conflated casual and predatory. They are not automatically linked. Can they exist together? Yes, absolutely, happens frequently unfortunately. However, I've seen long term committed predatory relationships where one partner is constanty preying on the other's energy, time, emotion. Can casual be ethical? Sure. That's how I run my casual encounters.