Look, feelings are feelings. Wind is wind. Rain is Rain. Emotion is emotion. It's just internal weather. Let it blow on through.
You cannot help what you feel when you feel it.
The only thing you can help and control is how you choose to respond to those feelings.
You can REACT in the heat of the moment, or choose to ACT WITH INTENT.
And right here mostly I see you beating up on yourself for having very human
feelings of jealousy and what not pop up. And instead of working through them and letting the internal storm blow through -- you pile blame and guilt on yourself for feeling what you feel. Like you are just not ALLOWED to be so very human.
And you just do not want to have to be feeling yucky. You should be "above" having to feel these things, but feel them, therefore you must suck at... being human? It's very sad and confusing.
What's that all about? Being so self judge-y and self hating?
I can't tell from the post if you are just having a bad day or this is a chronic thing. If chronic?
You might want extra support in sorting yourself out. Like counseling or help like Recovery International
if you have a chapter near you. The way you talk to yourself inside your head is not nice. Why aren't you nice to you?
Please consider taking better care of you. You have worth, dignity and value as a person -- even if things are rough for you right now.