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Old 08-16-2012, 03:33 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Anneintherain- thanks for writing.

For the record I was lead to believe she jumped into a sexual relationship with both feet and yes that was hard for me due to the status of my own relationship with her husband. It made me angry and resentful. Not towards her, but about my own situation and it felt unfair. That has since been resolved between Mono and I and my new relationship with Brad includes sex.

I talk to the man she was with often now. This is a new man I will meet on Saturday. The man she was with back then is the husband of Derby's love interest now. I am glad to create some water under that bridge now as it makes socializing a lot easier.

Anyway, we never talk about what happened for him back in January, so I don't know what happened there. I don't care to know. Its nothing to do with me and unless he brings it all up for some particular reason there is no need to. I figure that if there is a direct reason to talk it out then its worth hashing out details, but if there is no direct reason then its his story to tell. He knows mine already.

I told him way back that I was not going to pursue a friendship with him until he and Leo's wife were not together any more. They aren't now I am told. Back then I had heard that she said she would rather not have him in her life if it meant I would be in her life more. I took that very seriously and have done everything I can to not be. This city is small though and its impossible, so I've given up at this point. It was making me anxious and resentful to be constantly concerned for her well being. It just seemed ridiculous and futile for me to be that considerate of her feelings. If in fact she still feels that way. I don't even know.

As an aside: its interesting to me that I have also backed out of Ken's life with the same kind of idea... That of allowing Ken and my co-workers relationship to be Redpepper free so as to allow their relationship to flourish. Just put that together actually. Need to think more on that.

This is a hot topic in my life right now as Ken's ex has been talking to various people in my community. Its a very sensitive area for me in general for various reasons that I think I've wrote about in this blog somewhere. In a nut shell I was taken to court once by a woman who turned out to have borderline personality disorder and although the case fell through for her it scared me greatly. I miscarried at three and a half monthes as a result (I think). Very stressful.

Ken's ex has the same diagnosis as the woman who took me to court. I've had therapy, yet I continue to search for that place in me that doesn't give a shit what people think. I am actually closer than it reads here all of this past year has helped with that. Instead of burying the experience I have embraced it with open arms and have walked through it. This weekend will be a moment of doing that again, but I am strong and I think it will mostly be interesting than painful.

Its actually less of a deal to me than comes across here. Mostly I'm excited about meeting my bf's wife's bf. Ha! Catch that? Her and I have talked a lot about their situation and it will be nice to put a face to the words.
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Last edited by redpepper; 08-16-2012 at 04:31 PM.
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