Originally Posted by Derbylicious
I'm thinking that going into a poly relationship when all parties are starting out that way is much easier than adjusting to the change 5, 10 or more years into a previously monogamous relationship.
I am trying not to dominate the forum or the thread, but participation is a bit lacking. Hopefully membership will rise, and activity will increase over time, and I won't have to be the only one here. I just can't let you go without a near term response.
You hit the nail on the head with those words. It is much easier to start without "baggage." I am not judging your "carry-ons" as much as recognizing that your burden includes every member of your family. The happiness (or at least contentment) of several people depends on how you and your husband are able to cope with the recognition of a desire that is greater than the "normal" or "standard" bonds of marriage can handle.
So far, you are handling it in the most decent way possible. You have laid the truth on the table, and didn't violate the important trust of your relationship. That is so commendable, IMO. Very few people can live up to that standard, yet you have done so. I try to explain to mono people about the standard of honesty in poly relationships, and they just don't get it. More often, the monos end up cheating without disclosure. Most monos call it "cheating" to be a poly. I don't believe they treat us fairly, and I do believe that poly relationships make trust a primary, and more useful criteria.