So, being new to this, (the whole messy explanation can be found here
) I find I feel very perplexed by the idea of multiple primaries, primaries/secondaries, etc. I mean, I get it, theoretically, but I find it hard to imagine the application to myself.
It's not that I desperately feel the need to slap a label on my relationships, it's just that coming from the traditional monogamous idea that the goal of relationships is to find someone you're so compatible with that you want to build a life with them, buy a house, have kids, that kind of thing, I find that's how I approach all relationships by default, which seems like it could be very exclusionary, and not so conducive to poly. At the same time, I find it hard to imagine being interested in someone, but not that
interested, and having them as a secondary.
It worries me. So, I'm wondering, is this is the kind of thing I really do need to work on figuring out, or if all the figuring in the world won't really prepare me and I will just work it out with practice as I go along? It really seems like the kind of thing you just have to discover for yourself and as your relationships unfold, but I'd like to avoid unpleasant surprises where possible.