So I planned on being friends with Adam, but the next thing I remember he’d come up to visit me and Heath way up north, brought a Troma video.. I’d asked Heath if it was OK if I held hands with Adam when he was over, which he was fine with, and I spent like… one of the best evenings of my life (which I always hope to recreate I the future with partners) sitting between them holding hands with both of them while watching “Tromeo and Juliet” (I think, dude I was high on omg I’m holding hands with two boys I like!) To this day we cant figure out how it went from "you need a friend" to dating.
Adam got us invited to a cuddle party, it was a bit confusing because Todd thought I was Adam’s date, Adam thought I was Todd’s date, I’m sitting there watching Todd and Adam pursue women all over the place while I’m being ignored, I end up kissing a few girls and hit it off with one that is just my type so stop caring my men are ignoring me. (I wont go on into detail in the future cause who cares about it, but her and I had a couple dates, just weren’t in the same place in life, but omg she was sexy and I wish I had been more bold, two unsure women make a funny combo)
The hostess of the cuddle party ended up being interested in Heath and vice versa. The hostess happened to be Todd’s ex gf, and interested in being his primary partner now too. She sat me and Heath down to make sure we were all on the same page, and said she was interested in dating both of us. Wtf - If we had been a unicorn seeking couple I’m sure we would’ve exploded. I said I didn’t think I could handle two new relationships at once, but wished her and Heath well. I always envy and look up to her bravery and courage. Her and I hung out and kissed when we were together and it might have gone further as we got to know each other but…sigh.
I guess I'll throw something in here about Todd. He came to visit us again, seemed OK with me dating mostly... I wanted him and Heath to get to know each other in person to see if cohabitation was possible. Sadly, I found myself 100% disinterested sexually or romantically in him now. I had no desire to kiss him. Not sure if it had to do at all with two men in one place, but I had the chance to realize I was not interested. I felt horrible. We have also experienced sexual tension off and on since then, but I don't desire him. A valuable lesson I learned, long distance chemistry, or situational chemistry, isn't to be trusted.
So it was going along well for 6 months with Adam, Heath was still dating Adam’s ex gf, Adam and her were talking about dating again, we all spent time together at our place and a friend’s hot tub, she and I hung out apart from the men. Heath came to talk to me one day and he was very serious (he’s a fucking goofball so serious was out of place) and I panicked and was sure he was going to ask me to break up with Adam. In those moments I realized I was going to have to say no - regardless of all the “we come first and if one of us wants to stop this, it stops” that poly meant you love who you love and it cant be shoved away for another person - ANOTHER valuable lesson I remember to this day when discussing agreements with Adam…
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 08-16-2012 at 12:16 PM.