Todd had said he was going to date/open to dating other people (that was actually a part of our negotiation into getting into a sexual situation) and from our talks and his actions, I got the feeling he wasn’t going to. I was very reluctant to him moving into a situation where it would be mono-poly - Heath was up for sex 6x a week, and if Todd was too (which he clearly was), I was fucked (in a musculoskeletal way of not being able to physically handle it). I repeated over and over he should be looking to date, and that I wasn’t going to OK him moving in with us until he was dating. Just to make sure he understood this wasn‘t going to be a poly-fi situation, I went out on a date with somebody who wrote to me on adultfriendfinder.com, some guy who got I was looking for women but was respectful and thought I was cool.
So that was a fiasco after a 2nd date horror story, but I digress (aka irrelevant to story except to let Todd know I was going to have sex with people who weren‘t him or Heath). We discovered OKCupid.com, put up profiles, and somehow Adam saw me on his updates. Even though he didn’t ever look for people more than 10 miles from his zip code, he liked my smile so wrote to me, me who was a 2.5 hour commute at the time.
I guess I should say, I’d seen Adam on polymatchmaker.com. I liked his profile! However, Heath shaved his head for most of the 11 years we were together, so I was like…OMG I CAN DATE ANYBODY, I WANT TO DATE SOMEBODY WITH HAIR AND RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH IT!!!! Yes, that exact thing. So, Adam shaved his head. He was funny and witty and cute, but he shaved his head, so I hadn’t written to him. It seemed kismetty he wrote to me. I had a seminar in Seattle so we went to dinner. I was in shitty shape because Heath had a sex date with somebody from AFF for the first time and I’d been up til 2 am waiting for him to call me and tell me it was over so I knew everything was OK and I could sleep. I explained this to Adam, and we went to dinner - he babbled on and on about kidney stones and failed relationships and poly (and more failed relationships and heartbreak) while I just sat there and smiled tolerantly at him… he gave me tons of good advice about Todd, and poly in general…and I came away from the date thinking “Fuck this poor dude needs a friend”
Hmm why the fuck am I babbling on about stuff that happened like 8 years ago? Well really like I said, boring uneventful poly is happening here, so ya know, drawing it out.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.