Yep, I only think about starting a blog thread after a few glasses of good red wine. My reason for posting is that I think if I am going to give somebody advice, they should get to know where it is coming from if they care to reference. And maybe my poly will be more interesting someday and all sorts of drama will ensue so I'll have something interesting to say (God I hope not)
My (now ex) husband and I had been married about 11 years when poly came up - actually non traditional relationships came up in the form of some friends talking about exhibitionistic sex at a swing club, which led to a "we said 11 years ago we weren't really ready to settle down and be exclusive, we're too young, but we are in love so that's what you do so we did it, but look there are options" conversation. A few months of talking ensued, I really wanted to date a woman, looked on Adult Friend Finder and got plenty of emails from women who wanted me to have a threesome with them and their bf/husband but that was about it. I kept looking around and found some information online about polyamory, and realized that was what I was comfortable with.
I'd given up on focusing on exclusively finding a woman to date, so we decided dating "at large" was a great opportunity for each of us. We agreed I would go ahead and get involved with my friend Todd, a long distance, out of the country friend of a few years who was interested in me. We both felt safe with me being intimate with good friend, and he could come to visit at a time my husband was going to an event in another state where he'd gotten plenty of proposals in the past.
I dropped my husband off at the airport (sheesh I better give him a fake name since he's still in my life and all...) I dropped Heath off at the airport, then picked Todd up at a train station in Vancouver BC. We went through customs and the guy started quizzing us on what some guy was doing crossing the border with a married woman, like hardcore. It was harassing, and awkward, and I managed not to say...well he's here to fuck me for five nights while my husband goes to find some random sex partner(s) across the country. (Really I wouldn't bring this up but Todd says when he came to visit me two years ago he got the same shitty questions at the border, and he's going to be here again in two weeks so :|)
So Todd showed up, we’d had sexual chemistry for a few years, and we ended up having sex the first night. I’ll restrain myself from going into too much detail, which is hard cause I like funny stories. I spoke with Heath the next day, confirmed the “deed had been done”. I had 5 days of sightseeing and 5 nights of various sexual activities with Todd, and then dropped him off in BC again (btw, Canadian border patrol are not pervy dicks like American border patrol are.) The second day Heath let me know he’d met somebody, described her and let me know what sexual experience they had. He said he hoped they’d get together again but it turned out she wasn’t around the rest of the trip, so when I picked him up at the airport, it was a somewhat unbalanced 5 night festival to a one night of fun (back then balance seemed so important)
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.