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Old 08-16-2012, 06:36 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I had a really nice date with Brad today. We went to the art gallery. It was probably the coolest place in town today. I enjoyed their air conditioning. We don't generally use air conditioning here as it never gets too hot or cold. Today however was 30 degrees celsius. Ya, I know, not as hot as elsewhere, but when you haven't had that in over a year it felt hot!

The artist we saw was William Kuralek. One of my favorites from my childhood as he was a Canadian pioneer and folk story teller with his paintings. Not to mention he painted in a near by city to where I grew up. My brother and I poured over a book my parents had when we were teens. I talked about him with Brad as we went from painting to painting and was so thrilled that he was interested. The library has opening time that aren't good for anyone else but him and I so I was glad that at least one of my loves could come with me. It was the third time I had been

Brad and I have been planning out camping trip for the weekend together with his wife and its coming together nicely. We have a treasure hunt planned, hot dog stick making and tye dying. LB is bringing his best friend and they are both bringing their bikes so all in all it will be a really fun time.

I have a little bit of apprehension about meeting Brad's wife's boyfriend who also dates Leo's wife however. I am concerned that what he has heard about me will sway him to his opinion of me before even getting there. Likely he won't talk to me much anyway, but it still concerns me a bit. It'll be fine I'm sure. I planned the treasure hunt for then so hopefully an activity will bring everyone together... including the three 9 year old boys that will be there as LB, his best friend and this man's boy, are all 9.

I talked with Ken on the phone this week and basically we said our good byes. He told me he now understands why I backed out of our friendship so that he could discover all he could with my co-worker. He said I was right, she is very monogamous and that she would feel very threatened with me in his life as his feelings for me have not and will not change. He can understand that that would make both of our work lives difficult and that it makes sense to just not go there. He has decided that his new girlfriend is worth the effort at this point and that I can be put on a back burner in terms or a friendship. I told him I wouldn't be part of their relationship as a go between as I won't be talking about either of them to the other. I will text him when I feel like it and he can do the same, but that is now the extent of our relationship. Sigh...

Its bitter sweet. I am happy for them, but sad and miss him also. Its not the same sad as missing Brad when I don't see him for a week (our usual), but the kind of missing that is hopeless. I know that feeling far too well this year and it leaves a hurt in my throat.

I am beginning to spend time with horses again. The friend who's wedding I went to in Vegas with my ex wife invited me to come and help her muck the horses at the stables she rides at. She talked to the owner and he is in agreement that he would be okay with me riding them so long as she is with me for the first times.

It makes me so happy I have cried about it. I never thought I would be on a horse again without someone leading me down a path holding the reins. I used to show jump when I was a child and was really good at it. It was one of the few activities I loved as a child actually. I was put in many different after school activities and that was the only one that stuck. I spent every weekend with my co-owned horse "Lexington." The experience of mucking the horses and bringing them in for the night as brought back a ton of good memories.

Mono's crush came back yesterday. I have gone into protect mode with him a little. Asking him questions like when he is going to see her. Has she started texting him yet. Is he excited that she's back... reminding him of various things he said to me about her and asking about those.... All testing, of course, to see where he is at. He has told me not to worry. He thinks its unlikely that he will text her anymore and likely won't be going out for coffee with her and that he has no intension of starting anything up with her again. I reminded him that he said that he is used to saying good-bye to people and picking up where he left off as soon as he sees them again. I expect that he will do the same with her. He didn't have anything to say about that, so now I wait until he comes back from his trip and a time when he sees her again. I wonder how to handle it and do my best to just not think too much. I hope if I don't think I will ease nicely into them being able to be friends without too much need for working on my issues. Ha! Fat chance. Bottom line is that I don't want him to see her and don't want to deal with it at all. Really, quite frankly, I want him all to myself as promised and that is that. I am such a child. I realize it makes no sense... so I fight those feelings and will just have to deal with it if need be.
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