View Single Post
  #17  
Old 08-15-2012, 11:50 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,543
Default

Why should he communicate? He's getting everything he wants without it.

Also he doesn't sound independent. He sounds controlling and demanding. You can't see friends without it being a problem? He has no friends himself? Is he the reason you are currently without a job? He's utterly dependent on you for social interaction? It's one thing to be introverted and not want or need a whole gaggle of friends. But he sounds withdrawn which is another kettle of fish. He also seems desperate to keep you in just the manner in which you are now living.

Why did you decide to do that? Love is not a sufficient answer. That's the excuse for giving up everything, not the reason. Answering that question will tell you much about yourself and your relationship. Sacrifices are often necessary in a serious relationship, but they should be the kind where it's a 'win-win' if not immediately at least down the road. Like supporting a spouse through school and then enjoying the bump in income when they start working in their chosen profession. Or understanding that a spouse is just incapable of balancing a checkbook or not burning dinner, so you take over those chores while they pick up the slack where you are not so great.

If you are having the same conversation over and over in therapy and getting nowhere, do either or both of these: try a new therapist and/or get a therapist just for you and, if he is agreeable, a therapist just for him. If he doesn't want you to go just for you, tell him to get over it.

'Co-dependent' is a word that gets thrown around too much. But, the slipper fits on this one. It is not a healthy relationship when either or both of the participants wants or needs the other to be less than they are. Never be less than what you are for another person. Ever.

I'm understand you love him. But I seriously ask you, So? Is he good for you? Does he help make you a better version of yourself? It does not sound like it. It sounds like he is actively and consciously making you less, perhaps so he can be comfortable with being less himself.

Last edited by opalescent; 08-15-2012 at 11:51 PM. Reason: grammar
Reply With Quote