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Old 08-15-2012, 05:30 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I find it interesting that you refer to yourself (in this thread and another post of yours) as a "stray single," which makes me thing of a stray dog without a home. It is clear in your first post in this thread that you want a committed partner to cohabit and share your life with, but I think your work starts with being happy now as a single person. Or call yourself solo, like I and some others do - it has a much better connotation. To me, calling oneself single, in this society, implies "until I'm not single anymore." But being solo means being unabashedly content to be independent and free!

Accept and find satisfaction in the here and now of your life as it is!!!

In another thread, just a month ago, you wrote:
Originally Posted by Quietfever View Post
I'm really at the point where I can barely imagine anymore a relationship that is happy and isn't emotionally abusive and I'm frightened of being under the same roof with anyone. I almost think I would rather be a "secondary" than a primary. It would take a LOT to make me want to live with someone again. I really, really, really want a long time of enjoying the trips together and the dating and the falling in love before we move on to arguing over who last did the dishes or whether or not someone paid their share of the phone bill.
Don't worry about labels like primary and secondary. We should all strive to be our own primaries, anyway. If you don't have yourself on your side, you have nothing. Why not wholeheartedly embrace your singlehood, with all its freedoms, autonomy, and wide array of choices before you, instead of looking at it like you're missing something and deficient until somebody comes along, scoops up poor little single you, and brings you home to take care of you - just like a stray. Gosh, have fun - you're single! Yay! Many partnered people envy the freedoms that go with singlehood (or "solohood").

You are lovable, but you need to love yourself first! Nobody wants a project in love relationships, but strong, confident, happy single people are very attractive. Then you will find people who gravitate toward you for healthy reasons, and you will have a strong foundation in your love for yourself and satisfaction with life just as it is, to make good choices about whom to involve yourself with, based on who they are and how they treat you, rather than what category they fall into in the poly world.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 08-15-2012 at 10:00 PM.
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