Hey Yall, I'm 27 male and from Northern California. I play guitar, piano, write songs and words, disc golf, mountain bike, read, play video games and love exploring abandoned buildings. I'm an addict in recovery having just surpassed 18 months sober. I live in a small town so I have many unfinished projects to keep me busy, as well as a not quite 1 year old fox terrier named Iggy.
I'm the primary partner of a poly woman. I've had no experience with the poly lifestyle until about a year after I was with my partner. I've always been monogamist and many of my relationships breed distrust and resentments because of a lack of openness and communication. My current relationship was a mono one until this past april '09 but my partner didn't really start seeing someone seriously until August or so. On first glance I thought, oh hell no, I won't let someone take MY partner away from me. But after doing much reading and soul searching, I decided to give this a go. Intellectually I can get behind the poly lifestyle 100%. Emotionally, it is not so easy and that is where my current struggles come from. I have decided that my desire to be with my partner outweighs my desire for a conventional relationship, which is what brought me here, to seek out answers and perspective. This site has done wonders in assisting my growth as a person.
I am currently dealing with shifting from a life of monogamy to one of polyamory and everything that comes with it. My partner feels she has been poly her whole life just has not been able to label it until she read "The Ethical Slut". Not to tell her story, but she comes from a marriage where there is no sexual interest in each other. She lives with her separated husband and their daughter. I am friends with her husband and I love her daughter like I never thought I could love a child. That's a whole nother story.
Issues that are currently hot are articulation of what She and I need in order to feel loved and respected in this relationship. Rules vs. Spontaneity. And communication in a non-violent manner. I'm not talking about punches and kicks, but more of a NVC kind of way that is non confrontational for my default reaction to feelings of discomfort are to get angry and lash out verbally then retreat into myself and isolate. I'm working on breaking this unhealthy pattern.
"You can't make a giant just by stretching out a dwarf. One person's beauty mark is another person's wart."