A TENDER MOMENT OF COMPERSION
I am exhausted. We were talking while cleaning the bedroom and preparing for the delivery of the new bed tomorrow. And it eventually led to a heart-to-heart thing. And I have to sit with all that and digest it. But I wanted to capture a feeling snapshot.
In the course of conversation, I mentioned my ex. We were playgrounding the "what people are off limits?" Obvious people NOT to date would be like my parents or his boss. But what about the fuzzy people? Existing friends? Exes?
We bookmarked that conversation to explore more deeply at a later date but I mentioned his ex and I know
I'd have a problem there. He said he would have a problem himself there. I'd mentioned another of my exes that I'd have a problem with too. He shrugged.
Then I asked what happens if we are not in agreement -- say I have a problem with his ex and he wants to go there anyway. THEN what? He said "Ah. Right. I see your point."
Many sticky wickets to navigate, no?
Then I mentioned the exBF that had been in the V.
DH: I know we'll have a deeper conversation on that one later but just so you know? Right now? I'd be ok with that one. And I don't even know him all that well -- back then or now. But you? The smile goes to the eyes whenever you think of him. Even 20 years later. And I love
seeing you smile like that.
Me: Well... um.... yah. (*headwedgiecumstars*)
DH: Hee hee.
Me: Just so YOU know? We'll talk. But that is SO not happening right now. Too many years and it would have to start all over like from ground zero. It's not just pick up where we left off. All of us have changed. And NOTHING ruins good ghost memories like trying to go back to the well too many times. I hate that.
DH: I know. But just so you know? I'd be alright with you exploring that one if you decided you wanted to come to me to negotiate that one. Because it still goes to the eyes.
Me: Gah! Cut it OUT. But yeah.... to the eyes. THIS is why the poly thing. And STOP looking at my eyes. I want to stuff my head under a pillow! Gah!
He just laughed.
I rarely blush. If I could really stuff my head under a pillow as I type this I would.
I burn! That intense pleasure BURN.
But THIS is the why
for me. It's not just the kooshy compersion thing. It's being understood to the bone
thing. My partner gets me in mind, body, heart, and soul to the fucking bone.
Unbearable sweetness. Horrible! Wonderful!
Me: UGH!!!!! Horrible man!
DH: Hee hee.
Me: See? And if I could have two of you like this? I would be SOOO great then.
DH: Yup. And I'd be in trouble with all the "wheee!" flying around. I'd need it just to get a break from you and your wheee. 'Help! Help! Come help me and take some of the load off me, please! She's gonna kill me with all her whee!'
Me: Argh. Horrible man!
DH: Hahaha. We need to sleep because there's too much tomorrow. Such a shame.
DH: New bed coming. Last night on this one. It's our last chance to try to finish breaking it.
Me: Argh! Horrible man! You dare! I will get you!
DH: I know. I dare a lot of things. Like this...
It devolved into smoochies and a promise/threat for more shenanigans later. Because we really must sleep.
But yeah. Totally stuffing my head under a pillow now. Yay.