Originally Posted by Cleo
Before I met my current boyfriends, I went on a lot of dates (through a polyamory dating site) with married men. They all claimed, in the initial email exchange, to have a happy and solid marriage. Often the wife had a boyfriend. There seemed to be a pattern (I encountered this maybe 5 times within a couple of months): married guy falls in love with someone, maybe cheats, maybe comes clean right away, the couple starts talking about opening up the relationship, do this under the condition that guy ends it with his crush, wife starts dating and pretty soon finds someone, leaving the guy resentful that he is now a) seeing his wife have fun b) had to give up his crush.
First date, they talked about the beauty of being in an open relationship, how monogamy was so stifling, how liberated they felt. And then, sometimes as soon as towards the end of the first date, sometimes on the second date, there would be a tiny but nasty little comment about their wives neglecting them now that she had a boyfriend. About tension and struggles in the marriage. About 'just wanting to have a good time'. At the same time I would sense resentment about the wife going out and having a good time. And I always got the feeling that what they were looking for was not an additional relationship, but something that could help them cope with the fact that their marriage was no longer exciting.
Unfortunately-I think that it's ALL TOO COMMON that married men are seeking a partner to ease their discontent with their wife having another partner.
Instead of seeking a partner for the positive attributes that person could bring to a relationship.
It's offensive to me-and I've watched my husband do exactly that and been JUST as offended.
I can't seem to NOT feel like "if I were her I'd be SO hurt and SO offended" because he only wants SOMEONE-ANYONE so that he doesn't feel like I have "one up on him" because I have a boyfriend.
I would NEVER want to be someone's revenge or what the fuck ever they call it.