Hey thanks LR! I think that my brain might be on a good track with this based on what you’ve said. I for sure have no intention on being their parent. There is a small age gap between my lover and myself so while I am older, I don’t feel as though I have any sort of authority over them or their actions and wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t view me as much older.
I’m totally on board with never say never or always etc. I learned that very early on and am very cautious about any definitive statements I make in any situation now!
The idea that if there is some type of relationship to be built it will be mutual puts me at ease although not too sure I’m convinced of that. But like I said, I don’t “get” youths…
I know that it is ultimately up to the parent if a relationship is allowed if things don’t work out, I really do, but I cringe to think that whether or not I can have a relationship with another individual might not be up to me… I really don’t like being told what to do. However, my lover is such a person that I believe it would be my choice in the end. I think on the flip side I worry about not wanting to continue a relationship with them and hurting them as well simply because a relationship they had no say in didn’t work out…. Sigh.
I don’t have any intention on leaping into anything and I know these worries are me getting ahead of myself but it seems that when it comes to being cautious with potential hurt, better to think too soon than too late. Things with my lover have not necessarily progressed fast but emotions and intensity seem to keep growing exponentially. Perhaps that is standard NRE, but it’s unlike most of my other experiences with new relationships.
In terms of sharing these anxieties with my lover… not sure yet. It might be something I process more and work through on my own. The last time we discussed it I mentioned that I was totally fine with the existence of children but that I was unsure of how my relating to them would look and I figured that I would figure that out with them and maybe we would click, maybe not but I would be respectful of them and expect the same in return.
It was then mentioned to me in a message that one of them was asking a bit about me and might be approving of me which seems to be a big thing. This is what made it click that they are human beings with hearts that I may affect as well (horrible it took so long, I know).
Again, thanks for your feedback. I really appreciate the tips on how to communicate with them as it seems different from what my natural tendencies might be! I realize this reply is pretty choppy… sorry!