I have found that the best source of fulfilment for me is to be loved and accepted for who I am.
I also struggle with finding that with my husband (different reasons).
I suggest scheduling activities outside of the home at least 2 times a week and once on the weekend that YOU DO NOT TAKE THE CHILDREN.
Put it on the calendar and remind him that those are HIS times to watch the kids.
I say this because-often, the one who works has NO CLUE how much WORK it really is to REGULARLY care for the child(ren).
(The best thing I ever did was leave my kids for 6 weeks with my husband without arranging daycare for him.)
HE is a parent (just as you are) and if he puts more time and attention into parenting while you are out (even if what you end up doing is going somewhere and bawling your eyes out for 3 hours at first)-it will help him to be more aware and understanding of the difficulty you struggle with when HE is going out all of the time but "too exhausted" to do anything with you.
Find a social activity-somewhere you can start to make friends-and make yourself a promise those 3 times a week-that you won't talk about the issues at home. Your focus is ON YOU, what YOU enjoy, etc.
I know it doesn't DIRECTLY address the issue you are having with him-but it will indirectly-because it will help you start building a piece of life that isn't revolving around him (even caring for the kids is part of him).
"Love As Thou Wilt"