Originally Posted by Wolfwood
Well, to be fair to the guy, his method is effective.. especially if the girl has no experience with polyamory. That's partially the reason I started this thread. I wanted to hear stories of single girls (with no poly history) who met poly-guys (who have primaries) and dated them, knowing they were poly from the get-go. Are there any stories like that around here? It's easy to say, "guys should do this" and "guys should do that", but I'm more curious about what is effective.
This is me: single, no poly history, who met a poly-guy with a primary and dated (still dating) him.
I knew he was married long before I started dating him. I would absolutely not
have started dating him without knowing he had an open marriage/poly situation.
I think he and I are in agreement that it is to his benefit that I knew him, simply as a person, for several years before I knew anything unusual about his marriage. So I see where this guy gets his idea that it's more effective to let someone get to know him first.
BUT...and it's a huge but (no bad puns intended)...my situation is entirely different from someone totally unknown to me who asks me out on a date, letting me think he's single, and after that first date...or two...or three...says, Oh, by the way...I'm married. But she doesn't care.
To me it would feel deceptive and very much like a bait and switch, offering me a single guy...one I might have one sort of future with...and when I like him, saying, Ha, just kidding, what you're really getting is a married guy and a whole new lifestyle you never even considered and absolutely no chance of that future you might be thinking of when you start dating.
My personal opinion is that a person having a primary partner is basic information that belongs at the forefront...as someone else said, at the top of a profile. It may be 'more effective' to hold that information back for a little while, but that doesn't make it right.