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Old 08-14-2012, 08:11 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
In then end I came to a place realizing that this person cannot keep agreements or commitments to be considerate of my feelings, and that I should not be in a serious relationship with him.
I think that this is very wise, based on what you have told us. I'm not sure that I would want to be in *any* form of relationship with him.

If he cheated on you, then he would presumably cheat on them. He may not tell them about you and then, when they find out, they're going to be coming round to your place to take it out on you. I don't need that sort of drama in my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
Meanwhile, though all this, I realize I allowed myself to fall in love with him, and am having a hard time coming to terms with that he doesn't want to be serious with me. I want to be serious with him, though I don't know why, because his behavior has been hurtful and untrustworthy.
For me, this does not compute. This guy disrespects your boundaries and betrays your trust repeatedly and yet you feel you are in love with him? Maybe we have very different definitions of what "love" means.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
How can I adjust to a situation that from the get-go is beyond my boundaries and was founded on broken agreements?
You can't, not without repeatedly being hurt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
How can I try to date someone casually when there is a difference in feelings and/or commitment level?
The only way to do that is to respect the lowest common denominator - if that isn't going to give you what you need (and it's sounding like it won't) then you need to walk away to stop yourself getting hurt again... and again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
I really don't want to just break up, I would like to still enjoy the love, affection, and sex he is offering me.
Again, for me love means trust. Affection means caring for me enough to respect my boundaries. Sex - well, that's your lowest common denominator, isn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
right now, i mainly feel sad, especially when he's with his other lover, mourning that he doesn't want to be more serious and committed with me.
And you are totally entitled to mourn that - it's a shame that he has turned out to not be the sort of guy that you can have what you want with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxachahim View Post
Advice? Also note that he his moving back to finish school at the end of this month, so this is also about transitioning to being long distance.
I would be transitioning this into "no thanks".
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