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Old 08-14-2012, 06:35 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Originally Posted by Storm77 View Post
Add there was and still is times she acts like shes turned on, says we'll do something that night. It never happens, I know now because I never remind her and I have to remember that. I'd wait and wait, it gets later and I think she's just going to let me down again, it's what always happens. She gets tired ready for bed, sometimes I'd not say a word and just feel hurt other times I'd say something and she would just say she's "sorry I promise tomorrow" same thing happens. It got to the point I would joke or mock her when she made those promises "Oooh I'm so gonna jump you tonight!" sometimes it was really hard not to laugh at her, sometimes I'd just nod go about my day, never shower or anything *shrugs* because I knew what to expect from her, it wouldn't happen. I'd take care of myself on the computer, etc crawl into bed later.

It was pretty much to the point we never talked to eachother except for good morning, love you, love you too. Hours later, what do you want for dinner? whose making dinner, are there any clean dishes? Lastly she says ok I'm going to bed, ok love you, love you too. This while like now we spend almost all our time at home sitting 5 feet away from each other... Yet I felt so alone.
Please don't take this wrong, but ROFLMAO!

It is absolutely a lonely way to live! This was almost exactly my life for a very long time. What I learned and am still trying to teach my husband. SPEAK UP - IN THE OUT LOUD VOICE! I am not a mind reader. Both of us would sit around waiting for the other to "make a move" and then both get irritated and feel slighted when it didn't happen.

I still have to remind my husband that just because I seem tired or involved with something, don't assume I won't drop it in an instant if he voices that he'd like sex or cuddle time, etc. Also don't assume that I can read all the non-verbal hints, because after 20 years, we've established that I CAN'T. There may be times, when I'm not feeling up to sex, but would be happy with cuddling. In the same light, it also works in reverse. Life is so much better when we actually VOICE (in the out loud voice) our needs, wants and desires. Our partner may actually surprise us and be up to grant it. We still have times where we slip back into old habits, but we're learning and working on it.

Love Language:
I'm - Acts of Service & Quality Time - about equally
Husband - #1 Touch & #2 Words of Affirmation

Knowing each others language has made a great difference. I can make the effort to touch him when I walk through the room or reach out a hand or foot while trying to sleep. The more we have touched, the more I crave and need it also, to the point where it's vying for position with the other two languages. In turn, he has made a bigger effort to give me help when I ask for it.

You mentioned earlier that you would whine about stuff. I found that this is NOT communicating and the recipient tends to tune you out at this point. State the problem, then ask how are WE going to fix it. Now a discussion can start and the recipient isn't feeling attacked. Know your audience, I have a tendency to think out loud and need to list all the difference scenarios, which just looses my husband. He will either just assume I have picked either the first one or the last one and there is nothing for him to do or contribute. I've had to learn to just state the problem and wait for him to answer, although I do have to remind and prod him to fill me in on his decision or line of thinking.

It seems like writing down some of your thought is helpful to you, keep doing it. Many of us find that helpful, as you can see from the blog section.
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