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Old 08-14-2012, 06:12 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,091
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In my universe -- it is 3 strikes you are out on the same darn issue. In the arena of "broken agreements?" From your post?
  • He suggested you go 1 on 1. (cheated. Did not keep promise)
  • promised to tell me if his feelings changed about her. (Did not keep promise)
  • What followed was a long and painful process of mistrust, renegotiated agreements that were then also pushed or outright broken. (broken promises again -- sounds like more than 1 here)

So he's well past 3 strikes.

You also state this:

Quote:
In then end I came to a place realizing that this person cannot keep agreements or commitments to be considerate of my feelings, and that I should not be in a serious relationship with him
I would add that a person that chronically breaks agreements is not a good person for me to have serious relationship with OR to date casually date EITHER. They put me at risk in my health buckets.

In my universe? I am responsible for guarding my own (and my partner's) buckets of mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health. He's doing a terrible job considering your well being. Are you doing a good job considering what YOU need for your own well being?

I would say this person is NOT healthy for me if it were me.

I may feel I am in love but since this is only since January? 8 mos? It's most likely brain hormone cascade. Hormone feel goods of NRE.

Google the "neuroscience of falling in love" and you will read about all the hormones responsible for what. It's the high. It's addicting. It's fun to feel. But there's hasn't been TIME to build substantial love here, and his actions are not showing the actions of strong foundation. All the more reason for me to chalk my love here to NRE pink fluffy lala cloud stuff if it were me.

All this business of his concrete actions for how he treats me though? To me that is more downers than uppers. I would not been keen to share time with him (or anything else) because it takes up space in my life that I could spend on more worthwhile relationships. Something with more return for my investment that is not damaging my health. I can get NRE high in another rship. It is not unique to him.

So for you? In the mental health and emotional health buckets?

I suggest you look out for YOU and break up with this toxic person.

Some choices in life are not win-lose. They are "this stinks and this stinks. So which one stinks the least?"

I think the pain of a break up stinks less than the pain of endless ongoing stinkage in poor relationship with him. Because he keeps on making a mess. If YOU keep on doing what you have always done (not guard your buckets well) you will keep getting what you have always gotten. (him kicking your buckets over to spill again.)

It's just more stink from him. He does not and will not do the work expected/agreed upon be in right relationship with you.

You see how he is already. How much more stink do you need to smell? I apologize if that is Hard to Hear. But this guy just doesn't play right. He's a stinky mess.

It is sad, you will feel sad and it is ok to feel sad. But this guy is just not sounding like a runner for what you seek. And you deserve the best of what you seek.

HTH!
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-15-2012 at 03:52 AM.
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