It's pretty much the same anywhere even in general dating sites. Sometimes the men outnumber women 10to1, 3to1 would be the lowest possible I'd think. Plus add on general dating sites many people are turned-off or even disgusted by Polyamory as I said before it's like a 3 strikes your out everytime. I'm a common Male among hundreds, I'm married, I'm Poly and looking for another woman. The only people who seem to be ok with that all is swingers and unhappy married women looking to cheat. Now that T is with S and I'd be without a "female" for the swingers lessens that chance... I think. Never really looked into what swingers want but again with it being just sex that's a turn-off unless he is bi too, some fetishes were involved to add that spark. I did *in a shuffling my feet sorta way* bring up the idea the idea to T about would she... be willing to try again with a new couple if we could find one. (Still keep S but possibly...) She said she'd have to really like the guy she wouldn't just fuck around... Thought about it and then LOL'ed. She asked what! Said "Well with my luck, what if AGAIN... you develop feelings for the man, the wife doesn't work out with me and you got TWO GUYS and I'm still zip, nada, zero, LOL" Now THAT would be a FML moment!
Many posters here have lamented that it DOES seem easier for poly women than poly men to find potential partners.
As for casual sex, I really don't know. Yes I LOVE sex like any guy but I'm way more about the emotional side of things unless the partner and I could cook up some sort of fantasy or be into fetishes that turn me on just having a woman laying there silent to screw it'd be slim chance of having an orgasm without some kind of interaction, emotions, feelings, etc.
On top of that it's always been difficult to not get attached, not develop love for someone, I always have that feeling and need I'm attracted to you, thus I love you, thus I want some type of relationship. I know it's different being Poly but as T says I'm still thinking like a Mono too often. *shrugs* That is just one part of me I don't know how to change right now. Even since a teenager since I was first interested in girls, yes some were hot but 2nd thought was and still IS always "what is she like?" going out with, living with, what is her personality, etc not like most guys thinking who cares I so want to BANG HER right NOW!
I have a damn good relationship with T, I don't mind she's with another man since we share a very strong connection as it is. With a new woman I'm not sure if I would still feel hurt knowing shes with a bunch of other guys and without the "connection" I can just get off faster myself with some good porn or just my imagination
*thinking here* I guess I see it as something like paying a hooker, just do it, no feelings, go home. I could use the $200 for WAY better things
There was one woman's profile I saw locally OKC who I kept telling T would be FUCKING PERFECT. WOW! married, older, beautiful, a dom, had thoughts she mmm could break my being bi-curious if I don't have a choice
following her orders hehe being bi-curious gotta admit I have thought about M/F couples before. With being older, a dom AND fetishes that would have been some damn good connections and sparks... fuck that it would be a raging forest fire!
(But never got a response back from her and likely blew it since this was before T gave me some advice on how to make my profiles, write messages, etc.) it was a 1st message TMI B-O-M-B. I really liked her so thought OMG I gotta tell her EVERYTHING!!! More chance she'll see something in there she likes about me. Sent it. When I asked T later what she thought of it, she was stunned. (In a jaw dropping to the floor way straight outa the movie The Mask) Pretty much said WTF you sent here e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, showed all your cards, whats left to talk about! Nothing. T-M-I!
Now I try to go by what she says, 3 paragraphs 4 max if you need. Intro, something relating about her and wrap it up with looking forward to contact, how to, etc. Instead of a first message being 5-7 pages long
My husband and I spent a lot of years doing this . He needed "touch", and I needed "acts of service". Of course, what happened was that, I couldn't stand to touch him (or be touched) because he wouldn't help me around the house and vice versa. It wasn't until I discovered "The 5 Love Languages" that we finally had that AH HA moment. Neither of us understood how the lack of these things was part of what was tearing us apart.
I'm trying to think back, I think I've told T at least a few times over the years what I like, what I need about the touching. Previously her issue was touching, led to fondling which led to sex and I guess with her feelings of me that was a big no way!
Add there was and still is times she acts like shes turned on, says we'll do something that night. It never happens, I know now because I never remind her and I have to remember that.
I'd wait and wait, it gets later and I think she's just going to let me down again, it's what always happens. She gets tired ready for bed, sometimes I'd not say a word and just feel hurt other times I'd say something and she would just say she's "sorry I promise tomorrow" same thing happens. It got to the point I would joke or mock her when she made those promises "Oooh I'm so gonna jump you tonight!" sometimes it was really hard not to laugh at her, sometimes I'd just nod go about my day, never shower or anything *shrugs* because I knew what to expect from her, it wouldn't happen. I'd take care of myself on the computer, etc crawl into bed later.
It was pretty much to the point we never talked to eachother except for good morning, love you, love you too. Hours later, what do you want for dinner? whose making dinner, are there any clean dishes? Lastly she says ok I'm going to bed, ok love you, love you too. This while like now we spend almost all our time at home sitting 5 feet away from eachother... Yet I felt so alone.
It's no where that bad now, things are WAY BETTER in this house since we moved from our last place. But there still are the moments. One of my last rants here was after 4 days of those "promises" but yes my fault too since I'm used to how we work, she promises of something and I take the path of well I'll believe it when it happens and not remind her thinking if she cares she'll remember about me.
I can see and know I have to change my biggest fault. Killing a good relationship between us by being passive then hurt and yeah that is part of the communication.
Anyways long post as usual. Wanted to add that 5languages of love results I got.
10 Quality Time (listed #1)
10 Physical Touch
7 Acts of Service
3 Words of Affirmation
0 Receiving Gifts
For anyone wondering about this test
5 Love Languages