Seeking wisdom for possible poly...
Greetings to everyone.
I've been reading this forum a lot the past couple days while I'm working... ha @_@
But this has been due to trying to figure out where I stand. Am I poly? Do I fit into the poly world? Can I handle it? Do I just think I might be poly? Lots of similar questions running through my head and it's gotten to an overwhelming standpoint.
Like most, I have settled for the whole Monogamous situation.. and sometimes it feels like I can't just settle anymore, that I'm getting more out of control all the time.
Rewinding to the past couple relationships, I have found myself sincerely liking someone else while being with the girlfriend at the time. It's not a type of "Oh, she's hot" type of like, but one that, when I get to see her personality, or get to know more about her, I actually feel attracted enough to her to actively pursue the other person. Which usually has made things bad, but fortunately/unfortunately (? o.O), I do have a high morale standpoint on cheating, so the relationship would end one way or another before I even moved forward with the other person.
I have come to the conclusion, that I like like, a lot of people as everyone has a different personality, different perk, different interests. Basically everyone is special in their own way and sometimes I just end up enjoying their company that much.
With all this though, I've never actually felt "in love" with anyone, even though I can love a person, just not the deep deep love. And I would like to, at some point, maybe find the person I am "in love" with and have the whole 'dreamy' life thing but I question the stability of that statement sometimes in my head. o.o;
Usually, with liking someone new, I tend to lose some interest in the person I'm currently with.. Be it I think they're not what I want, or maybe I just stopped caring for them as much as I should since they are always around, or put all my attention/romance into the new person. I'm not sure if I can legitimately like multiple people at the same time.. I mean, I think I can as I'm sure at some point I have gone through it, but I question it sometimes.
Also, I used to have quite the jealous streak when I was younger, but I'm not sure if that would affect anything as I don't seem to get jealous much with anyone nowadays.
And ontop of that, what happens if the situation repeats itself with the next person, and so forth? Don't I just end up making it more complicated than it should be?
At one point, I did date a couple of girls who were poly throughout my years. One who had an extremely long term with the word Polyamorous in it. They were poly, and at the time I believed I was monogamous. I don't recall minding too much that they were spending time with other guys, but I only had a cringe when they were giving me details and I was all "-_-;" about it. But I think I'm like that with anyone.. I don't care to know the details.. lol
And it would bother me a little when they couldn't spend time with me.. but I think considering I was a monogamous dating a polyamorous, that would come with the territory no matter what, unless I was willing to be polyamorous at that time.
Well... I think that covers just about everything on my scattered brain. Maybe someone can point me in the right direction. Too bad there aren't 'trial' runs for things like this.. lol
I'm pretty open with any questions asked and will do my best to reply as quickly as possible. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.