Thread: Going poly?
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Old 08-13-2012, 06:54 PM
InLove InLove is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
Default Going poly?

Here is the short version;

My husband was mono when I met him, but open to other ideas. After we married we both decided to go to some swinging parties just to see where our limits were at. I mean if we couldn't handle seeing someone else kiss, flirt, or touch our partner in an intimate way then how would we handle poly? We went for several months and never went far. We were testing limits slowly. Overall the whole process went well and we weren't as jealous as either of us was scared of.

After months of going we met a couple we clicked really well with. Things did start happening and we spent a ton of time with them inside and outside of parties. I started having love type feelings for the male partner (lets call him E) after a few months. I ended up blurting it out to him privately one night and he said he felt the same. We knew we had to tell our partners so we did. My husband was okay with it. His wife at first said she was okay with it, but soon it became clear she wasn't as okay with it as she told us. She has a weird idea of poly I guess? That we as couples should be in a poly relationship. She really wanted to click with my husband the same way I clicked with hers, but she didn't. They were friends and had a great time, but there was no intimacy. I tried to explain to her that a lot of couples don't share partners like that and it can be normal. I think she just felt left out. In the end, I saw it was definitely not going well so I told him that I didn't want to hurt her so we should stop. It hurt a lot. We stopped spending much time together and while we do still go up there to see them it's just as friends (they live a few hours away). We still talk on facebook and such.

After stopping the relationship I found out I was pregnant by husband (we had been trying). So I got caught up in baby stuff and it was a bit easier to forget the whole thing. We closed the relationship especially since I had some complications with the pregnancy. After giving birth I found out husband had done some things he wasn't suppose to and lied to me about them. No cheating, but it was still against our agreement. So we decided to go to couples therapy just to work through some of the things we obviously kind of ignored. It's now been 2 years since we went to therapy and things are now on the right track between my husband and I. Lately I've been talking to E on facebook those conversations have gotten more intimate. I doubt his wife will ever give poly another go so I'm under no delusion that E and I will ever be able to have the relationship I want to have. His wife is really just interested in the swinging aspect. I have been longing more to try an open relationship again. I worry it'll be a big fail again though. Now we live in a small town so it's going to be a lot harder to find "poly people". That was one of the reasons we tried the swinging parties because we had no ins for poly groups or people. Did anyone else fail hard the first time, but was able to make it work the second? Was it a mistake to go to the swinging parties (they were alot of fun!)? I've read opening up, but somehow I didn't really like it all that much. I guess I'm looking for any helpful advice or tips? I'd love to hear from those of you who live in a small town.

Last edited by InLove; 08-14-2012 at 01:40 AM.
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