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Old 08-13-2012, 03:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Absolutzandra View Post
. . . for some reason i just find the need to spend all my time with him. i guess its the sex? . . . i guess i was so lonely, not wanting to spend time with my old friends, that i am clinging onto this man to fill a void and occupy all my time.

the thing is, he is not really what i want at all in a friend or a lover or partner. we do not have much in common and when we hang out we just watch tv and have sex. dont get me wrong, i do love having sex, but the tv thing, not so much. he keeps telling me we are going to go out and do things, but then we dont actually end up really doing much of anything at all.

its like im blinded by the good sex and i cant see past that. rather than taking into consideration what i really want in a friend and a partner, its like i am just spending all my time with him so that i dont have to spend my time at home alone, or doing things by myself. i am a very social person, and i do enjoy being out and being around people, but i am never going to meet new people if i spend all my time in his bedroom, and not out in the world.
Great that you have these insights. You actually sound like an addict. Now, do something about it. Go out, connect with people, flirt, go shopping, take a walk and say hello to strangers, have fun, see your friends. You may also want to read up on co-dependency and start untangling yourself from this very unsatisfying addictive relationship.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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