i am all over the place. i dont think the relationship is abusive. he is very nice to me and very sweet. i just want to look elseware, since he cannot ever give me a real loving relationship.
as far as isolating myself, like i said before, its really because i do not like the people i used to hang out with, nor do i relate to them any longer. this has nothing to do with the man in my life, but a lot of recent lifestyle changes i have made, completely unrelated to the man.
i do like your suggestions and i think i will start doing more things alone and putting myself out there to meet people. for some reason i just find the need to spend all my time with him. i guess its the sex? im not sure. but i am going to start spending more time focusing on meeting new people and putting myself out there more. its okay to see him a few days a week, but theres no need to be seeing him every day.
as odd as it sounds, i am really glad i posted this. it has given me a lot of perspective and the push ive needed to actually make some changes. i guess i was so lonely, not wanting to spend time with my old friends, that i am clinging onto this man to fill a void and occupy all my time.
the thing is, he is not really what i want at all in a friend or a lover or partner. we do not have much in common and when we hang out we just watch tv and have sex. dont get me wrong, i do love having sex, but the tv thing, not so much. he keeps telling me we are going to go out and do things, but then we dont actually end up really doing much of anything at all.
its like im blinded by the good sex and i cant see past that. rather than taking into consideration what i really want in a friend and a partner, its like i am just spending all my time with him so that i dont have to spend my time at home alone, or doing things by myself. i am a very social person, and i do enjoy being out and being around people, but i am never going to meet new people if i spend all my time in his bedroom, and not out in the world.
thank you for your kind words of encouragement and suggestions