@JaneQSmythe - As for the casual sex, I've always been that bloody innocent type which prefers to not have sex unless there is a damn good chance of a relationship. I know most guys would have their jaws drop going WTF!?!?!?! I don't know... It would be a bit much to explain how I felt through the last 2-3 friends/relationships like that. Basically I walked away from each friendship, getting serious when they would not commit or even acknowledge we were close but threw sex on the table like it's totally nothing lets just fuck! which leads me to think hmm really so how many guys are you banging besides me... half the city?
I posted on another topic how I think I have more of a stereotypical "female" or fem personality. I'm more emotional, sensitive, seem to be always giving, always trying to help, always trying to "make things work" putting my own feelings aside to save those of others till I finally explode at some point. I don't give a shit about "acting manly" as many guys do if I'm called a pussy or gay as I have been so many times I just laugh and think yeah "typical male... PIG!" sometimes I really do hate having to be with the same label as every other man.
As for privacy, I do feel safe wearing my boxers and no shirt at night when her parents are asleep from about 9pm till 5:30am... After that I can't excatly be *cough* taking care of my needs as the door they open to enter the living room is only about 5 feet away and in plain sight... *looks over* well from the back and side view, lol. Otherwise we have 5 cats, 2 med/large dogs, a mouse, 2 rats, and 2 bearded dragons... it's mainly the dogs and cats which make our personal time very difficult in the living room. Even to cuddle and watch a movie we go into the bedroom and watch it on the tv there.
about the front yard, we have a solid wood table on the side of the house, driveway but huge tarp like a cover for a camper over it so it's more of a sitting area, we like to eat outside when it's comfortable. I did some prep placement etc and it would work great for some fun.
@SNeacail - We did yet *sighs* again
tonight. These same issues and problems have been ongoing for years! My/our first time suggesting another woman move in with us was mainly to help in this area lacking. We knew nothing of poly back then but besides the sex for me it was also to help with income having a roommate paying part of the rent and extra being in some sorta of relationship with her.
I guess the biggest problem is (no offense to women) I must really be like a chick. I always want to cuddle, fondle, etc. I need to have touching as signs of affection showing T does love me, wants me, needs me. I also DO love when she does the wifey things sometimes like making us dinner, sitting outside eating then holding hands while talking.
As of the last month I finally after telling her for years what I like, what makes me feel good I was blunt and while cuddling in bed after a hot fantasy about S and P, I told her but I NEED her to open up, saying "You don't have to tell me your deep dark fantasies I know that would be private but... being totally honest, nothing taboo I mean nothing! What would would turn you on right now..." As she started to think I added "...to me!" with a grin.
That is when our other play started and I felt so much more connected being able to openly be a bit submissive and have her willing to fulfill and meet those needs. It was bliss and still keeps things exciting daily and is part of helping her open up, become more sexually empowered.
Now sure if anyone knows of the movie "Secretary"
basically a sub guiding, training someone to become a Dom. Although not quite at the point yet of pissing her off to get a good punishment
After a loooong day, I think she was very hurt when I dumped everything out. About the lack sex, about how "since I had no choice with S I really don't give a shit what you think about anyone I get! Even if it's someone you hate, you know like Niclole! (a woman we knew and later found out shes a hooker) It's about time I get MY needs met! After all isn't that why were doing this damn thing! Basically that it's like I am a cockold but I'm not getting any of my needs met out of it. We CANNOT be in this situation now while doing this NOT ANYMORE! Not when we are BOTH getting our needs met elsewhere because you bloody well you know what happens!
It's not like I'm bragging but as I've vented my issues about our marriage to various people over the years the responses has been "Why the fuck to you put up with that!?" "She doesn't know what she has and likely never will till she loses it" I've been told several times if I'm that unhappy leave T.. and this was NOT by other women who wanted me for themselves but random people I'd chat with online. Even before the talk of a woman joining us, a few girls said they would "help out" if I needed it... but stupid as I am I just cannot do that, NOT cheat and NOT just casual sex. I've told T several times over the last 10 years and yes I guess it sounded blunt and scary. I told her I will NEVER cheat on you, if it gets so bad I will let you know it's over! We can talk about it, but yeah.
We did talk ALOT about it tonight as I was scared, yeah even crying since I think was the first time ever it felt like my body, love, etc shut down today she tried to hug and do the things we normally do... but nothing, even tho I'm a guy. It's bloody sucks with "this I gotta be in it for the emotional connection" crap.
Repeated for like the 10th 20th time how yes I talk about sex, NO I in NO WAY have a problem with her and S having sex. But you know, do you love me? do you find me attractive? do you want me? do you need me?
I was going to go on but a area which may have been to private so I asked T's permission if I could be open and say it here. ...and we got debating if she actually had sex with S so I'll wrap this up.
My response to equal hers was "If I had a lapse and accepted someone like Laura (girl we both think is slutty and she hates) if we both got naked, I started to have sex "it was only partly in, it was just maybe 2 seconds if even that." before I decided OMG I CAN'T do this!
Was it sex? or in my case did I cheat?
Anyways I think we're good won't be dragging this into an argument but seems T and I have different idea of what sex is. But seems if this situation personally applied to me. It's not sex in her opinion. Yay! I can have sex and it's not cheating as long as I only go partially in and only 2 seconds at a time LOL. Will have to found out how many seconds must it be out before entering it again to have a reset on the timer so it continues to not count and not be considered cheating in my case.
Sorry being silly, *deep breath* hopefully we're good I think I just have to be more on top of things reminding her of what I want. Instead of waiting to feel loved by her as I usually have. She is more like the man, going OMG what!? You never said you wanted... VS myself emotional well if you cared, blah blah whaaaa you'd have. Yup! We're screwed up at times