If you say you are happy with that, I'll believe ya. But I just don't get it -- even when choosing a fuckbuddy it makes more sense to me to pick one with less baggage and less deceit.
I do not know why you are content to be hurting his wife. They are not divorced yet. The honorabale thing to do if you wanted to be with him is to WAIT until he is free. Instead, you've been lured into his weird.
In your first post you admit the whole thing is crazy and you want to get away from too much time/energy spent on him. Then in later posts you are defending/rationalizing his unethical ways when other people point out the ethics being messed up here and unhealthy.
That smells a bit weird to me. So I offer this in case you are in need. I'm NOT say in you are in an emotionally abusive relationship -- would not wish abuse of any kind on anyone. But if I get a whiff of weird, better I put it out there and you NOT need it and it just doesn't apply... than you need it and not know it even exists. That is the spirit in which is it offered. I hope it does not cause offense.
Take it to highlighter and see if any of that flags for you also.
I dont have a lot of people to hang out with and i dont really know how i go about making new friends, let alone finding a lover.
Isolation from other people -- that's a red flag.
On the meeting new people - get OUT. New people aren't just going to arrive in your living room. Pick something and pursue it and meet the people doing that.
Volunteer, attend meetings for a hobby, whatever it is that interests you.
Need feeding in the body bucket? Take up a sport or learn a dance.
Need feeding in the mind bucket? Volunteer to tutor or organize something.
Need feeding in the heart bucket? Sign up to do a hotline or put in time at a food bank packing food to help feed the hungry. Love on strangers who need it.
If you have a nearby UU poly thing
or even if you don't -- go check out a Unitarian Universalist church service and see what the people might be like there if you find you need feeding in the spiritual health bucket.
You can find meetups in general too -- do a search.
You forge ties to your local community -- get on to forging some ties then. Those that will FEED you and not DRAIN you.
I hope for the best in your situation - but I have to confess, I'm worried.