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Old 08-12-2012, 11:15 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,218

Here's what you wrote in your blog thread with my replies cut in, ok?

I think I'm finding the whole baby/Shasti thing threatening because I don't think they have a clue how emotional this is going to be. That they'll be in this little cocoon of love and wonder that won't have a place for me.

They not having a clue about how emotional having a baby/parenting is? That's they journey to discover. As all new parents do.

If you are worried about having a place in that family unit and want one? What are you waiting for? Talk to both of them and offer what you have to offer. "Hey. Awesome baby! So I'm willing to help out. Call me a (babysitter? godmother? aunt? grandmother? what sort of inclusion are you hoping for there? Or no inclusions at ALL but wanting him to be PRESENT with you too? Sort it out. Then TALK it out with your peeps.)

So, now I am feeling threatened and insecure about my place for the long run with Twitch. I don't want to be the one shut out of this wonder that is about to take place, but how can I be part of it? There is no role for me to fit into that.
You ASK for a role, if that is what you desire.

And I really don't have a right to intrude into Shasti's world. This is her time, her baby. Twitch may never get to be as involved as I am worrying about. Their relationship may never reach that richness that would elevate him to such a status within her family unit.
True. But you seem to WANT a role. So ASK. It doesn't mean you will GET one, it is Shasti's life/baby. But she won't know what is being offered or desired if you do not own your responsibility to KNOW and STATE your wants, needs, and limits.

She is not a mindreader. Neither is he.

I am going to have to fall back on his word and give him the benefit of the doubt. I need to trust in his love for me. On my end I'm going to make sure to keep our connection strong, so that our relationship isn't weakened.
Uh huh. So how does keeping connection strong WITHOUT full disclosure of your thoughts work? You wrote that blog entry July 27. It sounds like you have spent 2 weeks making yourself and him nuts.

Just take the bull by the horns and ASK if this is possible, that you WANT to be included if allowed to be.

Negotiate, work it out. Even if the answer is NO, then you can relax some and move forward rather than doing the "what if" limbo thing and making yourself feel all UGH. Because then you are on solid ground again -- in the YES place or in the NO place. And not in frozen Hang Time -- trying to stand on air and struggling.


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