Well personally I'm having way more difficulty with this than I thought I would especially when things start lacking at home
With home environment, untrained loud pets (barking, shitting and peeing inside, I usually leave it for T and just put up with the smell as am sick of it), lack of privacy (with others in the house) to even "take care of myself" except for whenever T goes to sleep which is between 11pm sometimes till 4am then I have till about 5:30am to cyber, look at porn, etc to take care of my needs before others may wander out into the living room. Without other outlets it's being very difficult not to feel left out, tossed aside. Being angry this morning, came to realize with the date T had with S honestly he had more sex with T (which wasn't much) than I have got in likely over a month LOL.
We are both in a bad position, no vehicle, no money. Being female of course T got someone quickly who is willing to drive hours into town to take her out. So now I feel the need to just find anyone for a fuck just to have an outlet, to get out of here, someone to talk to without all the stress of home life. Honestly right now wish had a relationship to just get away from home for a few days to a week to just have a vacation and clear my mind. I find myself thinking back to the married woman I saw when I was very young (yes cougar type thing) and wishing where is someone like that now. I guess at 34 not really the young innocent type to be snatched up by an older woman anymore, lol.
I was on here thinking where the hell do I find locals accepting of Poly when being a male and married and poly seems like three strikes your out. It seems impossible to find a woman even open enough to chat with unless it's just someone looking just for sex, intimate encounters, unhappy married women looking to cheat, etc. Almost all "single" women are turned off at a married man, unless she is unhappy looking to cheat, just looking for casual encounters, etc but no relationship.
I think the "nice guy" and relationship expectations are going to fade fast here since I got the low-key semi-loving relationship at home. Really feeling the need for the spark, fire of passion, elsewhere even if it means just casual sex.
*sighs* It's an interesting journey, I felt I could not deny T of her relationship with S, so I do not really feel... or as hard as it is to say do not care what she thinks of whoever I find for a relationship, if I do, or whenever I do. At this moment my standards are way lower seeing it may be needed to find someone to accept me in this situation. (unless I lie, which I still refuse to do.)
Sorry to sound like a ranting angry child on here... just the brutal honesty of home life. Pretty much how it's been for years and sadly how it is staying. Aside from brief episodes of kink talking about the possibilities of what may come of polyamory or when T comes back from a date with S.
Find myself thinking how to rearrange our living room and bedroom for my privacy and possibly so we can actually have a few more options for sex *cough* whenever it happens with T so it's something other than just the bed on the floor. Almost anywhere else and someone can walk in on us, LOL. It'd be even safer outside in the covered side drive way of the house, the back yard, in one of the sheds
it's dark at night, got a solid table and chairs out back and almost no chance of being seen. But the mosquitoes are a pain in every part of the naked body.