I don't really want to keep a blog- seems like that would be too labour intensive although sometimes there are words and phrases that I wish I could reread forever.
I posted here because sometimes it's just helpful to have other thoughts on my situation given that this is completely new to me. I figured the people here have experience in poly relationships and would understand how I am feeling.
Do people comment on blogs? What I really need is an outlet- people I can talk to about my life. It's not like I really have anyone I can tell. Right now I am so happy that I want to stand on my roof and shout that I'm in love... and I can't. Well, I can, but they'll all just laugh and ask how I can still be so madly in love with my husband after being together nearly 12 years. And I am madly in love with him... but who else can I tell that I am madly in love with my lover? Pretty much no one. So I don't just want to start a blog just for the sake of writing- it's the interaction that I need.
I am deliriously happy. I have never felt this way in my whole life. I have an extremely rewarding and loving relationship with my husband, where we have reignited the passion we felt in our "honeymoon" period so long ago and combined that with the security and comfort of a marriage. And I have a very exciting, passionate relationship with my lover which combines incredible sex with an intense emotional connection. My cup runneth over.
I'm still having issues dealing with the green eyed monster, but I am trying, I really am. My fear of abandonment has gone way down since he told me how he feels about me. Thinking about him with other women still gives me a twinge (again, except his wife).
Every time I have a twinge, I try to analyze it and figure out why I am feeling that way. Like, he just got back from a week's vacation with his wife, so I am sure he was very turned on and wanting to have sex. It's Sunday, so I know he saw his submissive this morning. I made a list of reasons why I was bothered. One reason I felt jealous was that she got to enjoy that extra passion that comes out when you haven't had sex in a while. But I asked myself, would I rather that he stayed frustrated until we are together? That isn't fair to him and I want him to be happy.
I have to be honest, doing this doesn't entirely take my feelings away. I'm kind of hoping that will happen with time.