You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have people around who love you and care for you. You deserve to be free from drama in your relationships, so that you can use them as a foundation for your own growth. You deserve to have people close to you who you can trust and rely on.
I'm not really sensing any of that in what you wrote.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb