DH RESPONSE TO MISMATCH
DH emailed me after reading my entry on the mismatch
of a monoamorous person with a polyamourous person.
I sent him several other emails in response -- covering mismatch, jealousy and coping with jealousy. I also clarified there's many various pairings there. Even in ethical nonmonogamy -- could be a swinging person with a polyamorous person for instance. There's so many gradients in between -- so much of life is just Spectrum! But for the mismatch I'm talking about? It's the bold.
- a monoamorous person with a monoamorous person in a relationship
- a monoamorous person (who knows NOTHING about poly) with a polyamorous person (that just discovered this about themselves AFTER the rship was in full swing)
- A monoamorous person (who is aware of poly and is NOT poly friendly) with a polyamorous person in rship (knowing all this BEFORE going into the rship)
- A monoamorous person (who is aware of poly and IS poly friendly) with a polyamorous person in rship (knowing all this BEFORE going into the rship)
- a polyamorous person with a polyamorous person
I don't think we're done on this conversation (Is any conversation on Deep Thinks ever done?) but it lead to a few in person heart to hearts that honestly? Turn me on. In all the buckets. I have to think on this some more so wanted to save it.
Just some random thoughts; it's been some long drives to and fro work and I've been doing it silently just to hear things rattle around in my head.
I'm not too sure if I would characterize myself as poly-friendly (pf) or poly-amorous (pa). I'm also in no rush to do so. There's a joy in exploring that with you. I know that I am definitely friendly (very much so) but I think my only real experience not being an endpoint was that all too brief time in the summer of '93. Was it really poly if two accept it fairly willingly and the third only begrudgingly so (and only because it was "fair"). I don't know and it really only serves to give me some perspective since I haven't exactly remained static over the years.
Even knowing that I am friendly to it doesn't mean that it would be 100% jealously free but that's not exactly a detriment or deterrent. I experienced that in our earlier v's and it wasn't a negative then either though admittedly the stakes are different now. I would like to think that it could be "used for the forces of good".
Just on the pervy-body level it could be pretty interesting; "What, he managed nine fingers? Hrm, only because he has smaller hands!" I would like to know (not just think, but know) that my partner has her needs met on all levels and no one is Superman.
I would hesitate to describe pf <-> pa as a mismatch. A puzzle piece with two/three/four connectors doesn't have join to a likewise piece. Okay, not the best metaphor since I've never seen a puzzle piece with a single connector.
So maybe some nerd wooing is required here.
Look at a simple water molecule (this is a water dragon year after all).
A oxygen atom has two slots in its second electron shell while a hydrogen atom has a single electron in its first. A single oxygen atom plays very nicely with two hydrogen atoms and everyone is very balanced and stable (even the two H's play nice with each other).
Hrm...now that I think of it, you can look at nuclear bonding for all sorts of metaphors; especially when describing more complicated relationships, those that are stable and those that are not.
I love you dearly,
Then he started emailing me pictures of water molecules. Stealth porn. Yay.